Why it's time to shut down the Leadership Factory

Over the last decades there has been a drive to raise up new leaders and fuel growth in the church. This of course is a good thing. It’s good to be creating systems, it’s good to be empowering others and it’s good to be expanding our capacity.

As churches grow in leadership, they start to notice that many other metrics start to grow. Finance goes up as people get ownership and start giving. Increased energy and serving makes the church a great place to be.

But what happens when the drive to raise up leaders becomes insatiable? What happens when a church becomes obsessed with leadership and growth. This is what I call the Leadership Factory model.

We move from names to numbers and from loving people to performative ministry.

Now it’s not like anyone goes into ministry with this goal (I hope). But left unchecked, the idea that growth is always good can run into dangerous territory. Ironically cultures that are too focused on activating others in the church end up destroying the very thing they seek to build – people.

Some loose definitions for us to start:

Leadership. A great quality for human beings which looks like serving others, setting a good example, carrying responsibility, casting vision and so on.

The Leadership Factory. A popular model for church planting and church growth often seen in fast-growing or large churches that make their entire personality the building and implementation of pipelines and systems that manufacture leaders.

This topic is close to heart because 5 years ago the church I was a part of (and leading a location of) imploded for a variety of not good reasons. I’d been a part of this church for 13 years and had been fully immersed in a way of thinking about leadership that very much fit this factory model.

It’s important for me to say that this church had actually produced a lot of good, in me and in many others around me. I’d been given opportunities to grow and develop as a leader that I’m very grateful for.

But in my quest to understand what went wrong, I began to see that despite all of the positives that come from an emphasis on leadership, there were also some huge glaring negatives. This was not just in one particular person but in a whole culture and way of doing church.

You see, I was one of the lucky ones. I survived. I made it through. But many didn’t. Some lost their faith entirely. Some kept loving Jesus but suffered such hurt in the church that they’re still not back. Others burnt out, lost marriages and plenty more. It is my conviction that the leadership factory model will inevitably always damage people. And even in churches where there is not yet an obvious scandal or drama, there is often a story behind the scenes that no one is yet brave enough to tell.

Why no one notices what’s happening

Whenever there is a conference or event and there is a speaker (usually from a fast-growing or large church), they are all too often quick to point at the numbers of success. And of course numbers do represent something. As a church leader, naturally I want our church to grow and increase in kingdom impact. I have nothing against large churches in principle.

The problem is that the numbers only tell part of the story. Churches that are fast-growing are of course adding many members. But it’s also possible to grow very fast whilst experiencing high levels of attrition (people leaving the church). This is the reality in many churches but it’s not often talked about. Even when the numbers appear healthy, there may be something wrong in the culture that is being masked.

Looking back at my time at my old church, I can see that we always struggled with attrition. But because we were putting so much energy into growing the church, we didn’t notice what was happening. But one by one, people saw the issues in the culture and gradually faded away or dropped off.

At the time this was explained away by the senior leadership by simply badmouthing the people who left. They weren’t cut out for ministry. They had a critical spirit. They were struggling with sin. They’ve compromised etc.

Now I realise that many of these people just saw something I didn’t see at the time. And when their voice wasn’t heard, they quietly left. Some were less quiet of course and ultimately it was the chorus of wronged voices that could no longer be silenced that brought an end to it all.

I was at a recent event where the speaker was explaining their model for church growth and leadership development. And it was an exact match for this culture I’ve described as the Leadership Factory model. I also knew (because I’m nosy) that this church had suffered a huge drama a number of years ago and half the congregation left. And yet this was not even mentioned as a learning point. It was just back to business as usual. It would be wise for us to pay attention to the signs and correct course.

In my reflections as to what happened in our own context, I began to realise that this same model has been implemented in many many churches and very frequently there are huge problems.

So why am I writing this?

I think there’s something fundamentally wrong with this model and yet it is largely heralded as a success story. Church planters are taught it. Megachurches often embrace it. Smaller churches may also be tempted to lean into it. But I know what’s on the other side because I’ve experienced the fruit of it for myself. And in the last years as we have replanted as Reflect Church, we have been grateful for the opportunity to repent and move into a different direction.

Leadership is good and so are systems

Let me be clear and say that the problem isn’t leadership or leaders. And the problem isn’t having systems that produce leaders (or systems at all). The problem isn’t large churches either. The problem is a tunnel vision around what the church should be doing. If producing leaders becomes too much of a focus, it creates an unhealthy culture that damages people and often provides cover for spiritual abuse.

So what does this look like? Let’s break down some of the characteristics and experiences of churches that embrace the Leadership Factory model.

1. An overemphasis of leaders and leadership

Here’s how the spiel goes.

  1. The first person you’re supposed to lead is yourself.
  2. You’re supposed to lead others.
  3. Leading others looks like taking on responsibility within the church and populating the church discipleship (leadership) pipeline.
  4. This is the definition of being a good follower of Jesus.

There’s a huge amount wrong with this as we move past step 2. Not because taking ownership of your life is bad but because of the confusion around where your place of impact should be. Clearly not all of us are called to be leaders in the church. If everyone leads in the church, then who is going to lead out there in the world? We’re called to fill the earth (not just fill the church) and that looks like influence in society.

When all of our energy goes internally into the church, there’s little left for anywhere else.

Interestingly enough, this process may have worked fantastically for people like me who were actually called to lead a church. This gives us a blind spot as to how it doesn’t serve others. The narrow (thus incorrect) definition of discipleship and leadership means that people start to feel undervalued in the rest of their daily lives such as their place of work, family and so on. This is often in contrast with the huge celebration that comes when they are present to lead in the church. This creates a lopsided world that neglects many other things that are clearly important to God.

2. A self-serving culture that protects the system

As a leader, you are taught the culture of the house. You are taught to celebrate and appreciate the house and the leadership itself. This normally comes back to a single visionary leader or a couple who you are supposed to honour and obey. To disagree, question or challenge the leadership is gently (or sometimes strongly) implied to be sinful or critical.

If you’re told by those with spiritual authority that being a good follower of Jesus looks like doing whatever your leaders ask you to do then of course you’re going to want to do that. You follow the systems in place. You encourage others to step into leadership. You give your money, time and energy. You go above and beyond. And so it keeps growing. And this growth is taken as a sign that you’re in the right place and God is blessing it all.

(If you’re interested in finding out more about what the Bible actually says about giving today then you might like this article).

To be clear, I’m not saying we shouldn’t give any of those things to God and to the church. I’m simply saying that when we tell everyone that this is the only way then we are demonstrably pursuing self-interest. Our interest as leaders in the church growing (perhaps driven by our own insecurities) is at the expense of the fullness of Christ being expressed in the lives of our people.

This system of hyper honour ends up protecting itself. If it can never be challenged or questioned then something can be deeply wrong and no one will know until it’s too late. And that’s what exactly happened for us in 2020.

(For more reflections about honour culture, you might like this blog post on the problem with honour culture)

3. A two-tier system for believers

The overemphasis of leadership forces believers in the church to choose which camp they will be in. The people who are all in and leading, or those who are not cut out for leadership. In my 20s I had a lot more mobility and free time which meant I was able to give significant energy to the church. We were often celebrated publicly and used as examples of emerging leaders. But as we had kids and our life season changed, it became increasingly difficult and started to create tension for our family.

Faced with this very real pressure, many believers naturally ease off on their commitments to the church so that they can instead focus on the increase of work responsibility or raise their children. But when your spiritual leaders overemphasise leadership in the church, it’s very hard to not feel like you’re second rate or doing a bad job. Others are being promoted and celebrated, and you’re being ignored or even reprimanded.

Interestingly enough the Leadership Factory model actually celebrates and even names this false duality of Christendom. Concepts like ‘The Premier League’ or ‘The 20%’ are lauded by leaders and used to manipulate people into doing more. Whilst this upper tier of mobile believers are empowered and celebrated, many who don’t feel hurt and ostracised. And for everyone over the years who may have felt like that, I want to say sorry.

The subtle and implied ask of the Leadership Factory is for people to sacrifice their children, their marriage, their work, their hobbies and their joy on the altar of a particular brand of church. We might argue that it’s never explicitly said like this. But it is very often implied in a myriad ways and received as such by those who attend such churches.

4. An unhealthy desire for position

When leadership is celebrated as the gold standard, position becomes paramount. It’s common that those higher up the chain get access to all sorts of perks such as green rooms, opportunities to speak or travel and other luxuries.

This is seen not as a quirk in the system but a feature and reward for a good leader. The greater the burden of leading, the greater the need for celebration. Even within the whole team of leadership, there are often different levels of power and prestige. This is designed to motivate others to keep sacrificing and giving.

This plays on the insecurities of many young leaders with a desire to be noticed, to be special or to simply to belong. And in an environment where many have overcommitted to the church (and are therefore not earning a lot financially), these perks and incentives become even more manipulative.

If you’re thinking this sounds like a pyramid scheme then you’re probably not too far off.

So what’s the alternative for how we approach church? Here are some things to consider.

1. Names not numbers.

It’s good to keep track of basic stats but it’s even better to know names. The reality is that when the church grows too fast, you can’t actually love people well. The church is ultimately not a factory system but a series of relationships. And it takes time to build relationships. Going slower will mean you grow slower but more people will come with you on the journey.

2. Redefining success.

Is the goal to be a big church? Or for everyone to know our name? Or is the goal to love others and teach people to be like Jesus. Growth is a good thing when it comes naturally. But when we manufacture it, we end up striving. This striving is the very thing that puts immense pressure on us as leaders and robs us of rest.

3. Proper use of power.

Leadership is a form of power and we would be wise to pay attention to it. We should use our power not to increase our own platform but to truly serve others. Serving can have mixed motives and just like the person who feeds the homeless for likes on Instagram, we should be wary of our own sinful desire to be seen and honoured.

For more about understanding power dynamics as a leader, you might like to read this article.

4. Celebration of true kingdom diversity.

Everyone is in a different life season. Everyone has different gifts. Everyone has a different experience of life. Pipelines and programmes have their place in the church but we must be careful to build them in ways that don’t become restrictive or exclusive. Let’s celebrate those called to the workplace. And those called to the family. The church is not just the gathering, it’s also in the scattering.

Conclusion

There is a place for strong leadership giftings and systems that help the church grow. But let’s not forget that Jesus has promised that he himself will be the one to build his church. Paul refers to all sorts of mighty strategy (including supernatural power) in 1 Corinthians 13 but then reminds us that without love, it’s all for nothing.

I’ll leave you with the words of Jesus in Matthew 7:21-23

21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ 23 And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’


Understanding power dynamics as a leader

Like many church leaders in my sort of environment, I kind of fell into it. I never sought to be a pastor. I never had any desire to preach or minister in those ways. Some people have those sort of dreams but not me. I really didn’t care lol. I have no need to be visible and whilst I give off extrovert energy because I have to, most of the time I let my introvert self be happy.

So how did I end up leading a church? I think mostly because I just happened to be in an environment that was slightly too interested in turning everyone into a leader.

Now I do believe that I can see God’s hand on my life, guiding me into the various expressions of leadership that I find myself in. I do feel called and gifted to lead. And in this immersive journey of leadership, I learnt many things and grew in many ways.

But one of the things no one ever told me about was how to handle power.

It took me a long time to even realise that being a leader actually brings with it a level of power. And that power needs to be wielded correctly.

I was just me. And I still am. I just happened to have a leadership role in my early 20s. Whether it was leading a department, a team or assisting in pastoring or eventually leading a church. I just assumed that nothing had changed. But in fact a lot of things had changed. I had authority (real or assumed) and people began to treat me differently as a result.

One of the problems with power is that we don’t really talk about it. Which means we are rarely thinking about whether a culture is set up to create a healthy or unhealthy power dynamic. I want to examine some ways in which our theology around leadership can actually create a bad power dynamic and what we can do to correct course.

Our obsession with honour

I wrote a whole article about the problem with honour culture. The problem is not honour of course – honour is a good thing. It’s good to honour people. The Bible frequently celebrates and encourages honour amongst all people. Whether that is instructions for children to listen to their parents, or for believers to adhere to societal laws or for church members to respect and listen to leaders – honour is good.

But you can have too much of a good thing. Too much honour can actually move into blind subservience and even idolatry. Let’s put it this way. If your parents want you to help them rob a bank, should you do it because you’re supposed to obey them?

Obviously not. So common sense shows us that honour has limits. When honour becomes limitless, we end up with a situation where a leader has too much power and cannot be questioned. In almost all cases of abuse (spiritual, sexual etc) in the church, this is the core issue that enables the abuser to do so as well as the cover up that inevitably follows. Not good stuff and unfortunately I’ve seen this in real life.

So how do we end up with the culture that creates unlimited honour? It’s produced by a theology around the authority of the visionary leader. I want to mention at this point that on every count, I myself embody the stereotypical qualities of a visionary leader. We need leaders and we need vision and everything I’m saying is not about attacking your strength but understanding it.

The simple fact is, when there is ultimately one person in charge with total authority for decision making then we end up giving too much power to that person. Human beings are just not designed to be able to carry that much power. Every time throughout the Bible (and the rest of human history), when we see someone with too much power, it goes horribly wrong.

So what’s the alternative? Here are three things we’ve been working on implementing in our church culture that I think create a healthy power dynamic.

1. Team based leadership.

Acts 2 tells us that they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching. That’s plural friends. It wasn’t a devotion to Peter’s teaching or John’s teaching but to the general teaching of the apostles. Now we do see moments where one person leads but never with total authority on final decision making. For example in Acts 1, as the church is gathered in prayer in waiting for the Holy Spirit, Peter steps up and suggests that they should replace Judas with someone else as a 12th apostle. But then they draw lots to decide who it should be. Peter does not select the person.

We definitely see point leader material in Peter as he steps up in the next chapter to preach full of the Holy Spirit and 3000 people get saved. But does he remain the key decision maker for the rest of Acts? The Catholic church may tell us that he was the first pope but they’re inserting something into the narrative because the scriptures show plenty of others involved in leadership.

One such example is in Acts 15 where there are key decisions being made around how the law should be applied for Gentiles. Here’s the full passage from Acts 15:1-29.

1 Certain people came down from Judea to Antioch and were teaching the believers: “Unless you are circumcised, according to the custom taught by Moses, you cannot be saved.” 2 This brought Paul and Barnabas into sharp dispute and debate with them. So Paul and Barnabas were appointed, along with some other believers, to go up to Jerusalem to see the apostles and elders about this question. 3 The church sent them on their way, and as they traveled through Phoenicia and Samaria, they told how the Gentiles had been converted. This news made all the believers very glad. 4 When they came to Jerusalem, they were welcomed by the church and the apostles and elders, to whom they reported everything God had done through them.

5 Then some of the believers who belonged to the party of the Pharisees stood up and said, “The Gentiles must be circumcised and required to keep the law of Moses.”

6 The apostles and elders met to consider this question. 7 After much discussion, Peter got up and addressed them: “Brothers, you know that some time ago God made a choice among you that the Gentiles might hear from my lips the message of the gospel and believe. 8 God, who knows the heart, showed that he accepted them by giving the Holy Spirit to them, just as he did to us. 9 He did not discriminate between us and them, for he purified their hearts by faith. 10 Now then, why do you try to test God by putting on the necks of Gentiles a yoke that neither we nor our ancestors have been able to bear? 11 No! We believe it is through the grace of our Lord Jesus that we are saved, just as they are.”

12 The whole assembly became silent as they listened to Barnabas and Paul telling about the signs and wonders God had done among the Gentiles through them. 13 When they finished, James spoke up. “Brothers,” he said, “listen to me. 14 Simon has described to us how God first intervened to choose a people for his name from the Gentiles. 15 The words of the prophets are in agreement with this, as it is written:

16 “‘After this I will return
and rebuild David’s fallen tent.
Its ruins I will rebuild,
and I will restore it,
17 that the rest of mankind may seek the Lord,
even all the Gentiles who bear my name,
says the Lord, who does these things’—
18 things known from long ago.
19 “It is my judgment, therefore, that we should not make it difficult for the Gentiles who are turning to God. 20 Instead we should write to them, telling them to abstain from food polluted by idols, from sexual immorality, from the meat of strangled animals and from blood. 21 For the law of Moses has been preached in every city from the earliest times and is read in the synagogues on every Sabbath.”

22 Then the apostles and elders, with the whole church, decided to choose some of their own men and send them to Antioch with Paul and Barnabas. They chose Judas (called Barsabbas) and Silas, men who were leaders among the believers. 23 With them they sent the following letter:

The apostles and elders, your brothers,

To the Gentile believers in Antioch, Syria and Cilicia:

Greetings.

24 We have heard that some went out from us without our authorization and disturbed you, troubling your minds by what they said. 25 So we all agreed to choose some men and send them to you with our dear friends Barnabas and Paul— 26 men who have risked their lives for the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. 27 Therefore we are sending Judas and Silas to confirm by word of mouth what we are writing. 28 It seemed good to the Holy Spirit and to us not to burden you with anything beyond the following requirements: 29 You are to abstain from food sacrificed to idols, from blood, from the meat of strangled animals and from sexual immorality. You will do well to avoid these things.

Farewell.

The key takeaways:

  • The apostles and elders met together to discuss the decision.
  • Peter speaks.
  • Barnabas and Paul speak.
  • James speaks and makes a judgement.
  • The apostles and elders make a joint decision
  • They write a letter from them all that refers to their joint authority.

In our context at Reflect Church, I take the lead in regards to vision, preaching etc and fit the classic point leader model. At least that’s what it looks like perhaps from the outside. But internally, we actually work within a team of 5 when it comes to high-level strategic decision making. There are times where I have wanted to make a major decision (like lease a building or start another service) but not everyone agreed so we didn’t do it. I could probably have pushed or overridden the others but every time it turned out to be wise to listen to the group.

Team based leadership strengthens our decision making. It doesn’t remove the unique calling and function of each leader but simply balances out our weaknesses with the strengths of others. It’s something we see in the scripture and in my opinion is the best case scenario for leadership.

Note: Often there is a couple who is in leadership together. This is one type of team based leadership but it has weaknesses as often the wife will be too deferential to the husband’s judgement because of a limited understanding of headship and submission. More on that in a future article.

I think there is also a case for a single point leader where a church is very small or there simply isn’t another person capable. But the best case scenario remains team based. Jesus didn’t raise up Peter as his successor. He raised up 12 leaders.

2. Space for challenge and criticism

Are we allowed to challenge those who are in charge? Are we allowed to criticise or question? If the answer is no, then there is an unhealthy power dynamic at work.

Now of course we can go too far the other way where everyone has an opinion and the church is full of complaining, miserable Christians. I remember once finishing a service after working hard preaching. I turned around to greet someone who I recognised as visiting for the first time and the first words out of their mouth were to tell me the music was too loud. How about hello or something a bit more cheerful lol. Criticism is only appropriate within the context of relationship and the more we know people, the more space they should have to speak their mind.

But sadly many believers have been taught that questioning or challenging in any way is evidence of either unbelief or having a critical spirit. When in fact, just the opposite may be true. We care enough to speak out about something that isn’t quite right. We raise a safeguarding issue because there’s something wrong (although I’m grateful I’ve never had to do this). We challenge a thought because it doesn’t sit right with our understanding of scripture. The goal of our challenge is to come to agreement and understanding. I’ve found these conversations very helpful over the years.

Sadly the response to challenge is often to shut it down or even to discredit the challenger.

Here’s a scriptural example from Galatians 2 where Paul actually challenges Peter on his behaviour. Peter fell to the cultural pressures of other Jews in the church to eat separately from the Gentiles, something he knew himself wasn’t right. Not only does Paul address Peter (notably in front of the others) but he also writes a letter about it to a church, using it as an example. The equivalent today is writing a blog post or dropping an article and including the names of those involved. Paul is a beast lol.

Paul expands further in 1 Timothy 5:19-21 to explain how church leaders can be challenged.

19 Do not entertain an accusation against an elder unless it is brought by two or three witnesses. 20 But those elders who are sinning you are to reprove before everyone, so that the others may take warning. 21 I charge you, in the sight of God and Christ Jesus and the elect angels, to keep these instructions without partiality, and to do nothing out of favoritism.

He instructs Timothy not to just accept any old accusation that gets thrown around against a leader. But if there are a multitude of witnesses then there is cause for action and that action could even become public.

The summary is that we should honour and respect the position of leaders. But only to a certain extent. Power must be balanced with the possibility to challenge. That’s not to say that church members should be difficult and constantly acting out against leadership. But there should always be space to be heard.

I implement this practically by using team-based decision making. And also in preaching by being clear when something is the word of God and when something is my opinion. This is something we see Paul do frequently when writing in the New Testament. I regularly encourage the congregation to pray over what I’m sharing and discern for themselves whether it is from the word of God.

This takes nothing away from my authority or conviction when preaching but it does encourage people to think for themselves and in particular test any prophetic elements. When they move on to a different church in the future, they will have the capacity to discern truth for themselves and will not be easily deceived. It also makes sure that people don’t just do things because I told them to. This actually protects you in the long run as a leader.

Note: what about not touching the Lord’s anointed?

If you want to take a story about how David chose not to kill King Saul and turn into a theology about how leaders can never be challenged then I’m not sure there’s much hope for you. This false equivalence between killing someone and challenging their thoughts/actions seems a ridiculous leap into truly terrible theology. I’ve been there and I’ve seen the fruit of it.

3. The active dismantling of power

Philippians 2 tells us how Jesus did not use his power to establish his own status but instead to lay it down in service of others. And ironically the end result is that he becomes exalted. I’ve noticed in my own leadership journey that the more I give away my power, the more people actually respect what I have to say.

In other words, honour is something that is actually earned as well as given. By being deliberate about laying down my power and authority, my example produces the fruit in the church that actually enables me to lead strongly.

I reject the idea that pastors should teach their congregations how to honour them because ultimately it is self-serving theology. Instead we should teach them how to honour by modelling what it means by laying down our lives for the sheep. At every opportunity, we should serve not be served. This is hard as a leader because people will naturally honour us so it requires deliberate and conscious action.

I’ll leave with this final scripture in Matthew 23:5-12 in which Jesus refers to the religious establishment of the time. I think the similarities are painfully clear to much of church culture we see today in the west.

5 “Everything they do is done for people to see: They make their phylacteries wide and the tassels on their garments long; 6 they love the place of honor at banquets and the most important seats in the synagogues; 7 they love to be greeted with respect in the marketplaces and to be called ‘Rabbi’ by others.

8 “But you are not to be called ‘Rabbi,’ for you have one Teacher, and you are all brothers. 9 And do not call anyone on earth ‘father,’ for you have one Father, and he is in heaven. 10 Nor are you to be called instructors, for you have one Instructor, the Messiah. 11 The greatest among you will be your servant. 12 For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.

I’m not sure I’ve worked out this balance yet. At the very least, we’re doing it pretty imperfectly. But I say less green rooms, less titles and less favouritism. When leaders start to lay down their power to serve their people, perhaps the church will become holy again. And just maybe that’s what is required to see a move of God.


How to form unbreakable habits

I’ve always been the sort of person deeply interested in starting new things. In fact, starting new things seems to be fairly typical for all the creative types I hang out with at The Garden. Unfortunately the flip side of this gift is generally not finishing the things we start.

However in recent years I began to make some serious headway in understanding how to make habits stick. On 5th January 2023, I started (again) my headway into the world of fitness, choosing to workout every work day (5x per week). Fast forward two whole years and I’m still going strong. No pun intended.

This wasn’t the first time I had tried to get serious about fitness. I had always been interested in sport and enjoyed physical activity but I had never succeeded in creating any lasting change. So what changed exactly?

First let’s talk about some theology. It’s fair to say that the primary goal of the disciple of Jesus is to be formed into his image. We might call this formation, where our very nature becomes like him.

There is a circular relationship between what we do and who we are. God is love and God is also loving. When I become a patient person, I become patient with people. When I am patient with people, I become a more patient person. Here we see the real importance of habits as it pertains to character or nature. Habits are what we do repeatedly. They become who we are.

So now I am no longer just a person who goes to the gym. I am an active person. It’s who I am. I go to the gym because strong people go to the gym. And I am strong because I go to the gym. Solidifying habits is not just a nice goal for those interested in self-help, it’s a crucial part to the life of the Christian.

If you’re unable to properly form new habits then you’ll be trapped in the old habits of the flesh (the shadow side of who you are).

If you’re wondering where you can find pictures of super ripped Sats to verify all of this then slow down because I’d be the first to admit that fitness progress has felt glacially slow. But one thing I am convinced of is that a change of identity has taken place alongside my change of behaviour. Ultimately the results will speak for themselves not in two years but in the next ten or twenty years.

So how do we create unbreakable habits? And perhaps more importantly, why do we keep dropping the ball on the things we really want?

The life you live today is often a reflection of the decisions you made yesterday.

This is a statement which is generally true but not always true. Life has all sorts of nonsense that will arrive regardless of what you do. We didn’t sign up for everything so please don’t think I am throwing blame your way. We don’t want to live under shame or heaviness – that’s not helpful for anyone.

But it’s also unavoidably true that you are a huge factor in your experience of life. And that the fruit of our lives tells us interesting things about the seeds we have sown. We are all too quick to blame others instead of taking responsibility for ourselves.

The redemptive power of curiosity

I’ve found approaching this conversation with curiosity is really helpful. Curiosity dispels shame but also gives us the benefit of reflection and wisdom.

  • If you’re physically out of shape, get curious about why that is the case
  • If your spiritual life is empty, get curious about how that happened
  • If you’re constantly exhausted and on the edge of burnout, get curious about what’s going on
  • If you can never meet the right person because there’s no good men/women out there, get curious about why that is your experience

Note how this is so different from shaming people (or ourselves) for why they aren’t where they should be.

If we don’t take time to really understand what’s going on, how are we going to be able to change the way we approach these areas in the future?

A person on the edge of burnout might quite naturally respond with defensiveness by pointing to the long list of responsibilities or immoveable commitments they cannot escape from. Curiosity would instead lead to honest conversations about the importance of boundaries and saying no.

Curiosity asks questions which is something we see God do a lot throughout scripture both in the Old and New Testament. Much of the first interactions between God and humans involve curiosity and questions.

  • Where are you?
  • Who told you that you were naked?
  • Where is your brother?

God is not asking questions because he doesn’t know the answers. He’s asking because he’s trying to help us reflect and do some important digging into what’s going on beneath the surface.

Before the pandemic, I had tried multiple times to implement some sort of fitness programme but it had never lasted. Looking back I can see that it never could have. The environment of my life was all wrong.

  • I was working for a church fulfilling multiple full-time job roles which left me no time.
  • I was paid poorly for some roles and not at all for others which meant I was using all spare time to try and make additional income.
  • I had zero margin in my life and was already sacrificing sleep and family life to keep up with all of the above.

I was well-intentioned in this season but totally unaware of why things were not working. I truly believed that fitness was important. But there was a mismatch between my beliefs and my actions. I needed to get curious about why that was. Eventually I realised that there was simply not enough space in my life for not just health but a whole host of other things like hobbies, rest and fun too.

(This new-found curiosity emerged from a very curious set of circumstances, notably that particular church having a spectacularly public meltdown. I’m deliberately fast-forwarding a very long albeit interesting story which goes beyond the scope of this article. I cover some of the issues in an article about honour culture).

If you’re not open to becoming curious about why you’re not where you want to be then you’re not ready to change. And it’s very unlikely that you’ll create lasting habits.

For the rest of us however, here are some learnings from my journey on forming unbreakable habits.

1. Start small but sure.

The greatest challenge with forming habits is not about the task itself but developing the right pathways in the brain. Once the pathways are formed in the brain, then you can start to build upon the habit to become more intense (or more flexible) as you desire.

Here are some simple rules I set for myself back in January 2023.

  • I was going to workout every single week day (Monday – Friday)
  • I was going to do something even if it was very small
  • I was not going to skip a day for sickness unless I was literally on death’s door

I found creating a higher frequency (5x/week) made it easier to form the habit because my brain was forming this connection with my wake up routine. I would get up at 4:45am, head to meet my friend and then we’d workout. Yes that’s right – we were working out at 5am lol.

It was freezing cold. It was pitch black. Conditions were not cool.

But the extremeness of it made it stick in the brain. The hardest part of it was not the workout but just having the willpower to get up. Once I was up, the rest actually felt comparatively much easier.

To make the whole process easier, I set out all of my workout gear ready (including things like water & keys) so that all I had to do was get dressed and leave the house (without waking up my kids – a considerable task with creaky London houses).

My goal was to keep my streak going as long as possible and in 2023 I missed very few days due to sickness or holiday. In 2024 however, I decided to relax a little bit and whilst I still workout 5x/week, if it’s been a super busy week or a late night then I don’t kill myself for the sake of it. That’s because the habit is already strong.

Go intense but realistic in your initial creation of a habit. It’s better to be super consistent at something easy than inconsistent with something hard. You can then dial it back to be more realistic in the future. We moved from doing bodyweight exercises at 5am outside in the pitch black to hitting the gym at 6am after the first month. But 5am seared it into my brain.

2. Create an environment for success

We’ve already talked about how important it is to have space for new habits to form. If your life is too full then you won’t be able to fit anything else in.

There is a very real cost to forming a new habit. Your time and your energy is finite and you’ll have to reduce your commitments elsewhere. It took me a while to realise this as an endless optimist. It’s not a lack of faith to be realistic. God has set limits on human beings and there is blessing when we acknowledge them. (Read more about my thoughts on limitation in 2025 here)

But creating space is not the only way we can create a successful environment for habit formation. We can also use accountability to create friction in failure or positive peer pressure to aid momentum. For example, when I started my 5am workout routine, I also launched a preaching series called the 5am Club. It was all about health, stewardship of the body, fitness etc.

We encouraged the whole church to join us at 5am, 5x per week from 5th January. To encourage others, we literally livestreamed on Instagram our workouts for a whole month. Now not everyone will have the luxury of such a public sense of accountability but here’s what happened:

  • Very few people actually committed to the 5am Club but everybody knew about it. Because it was ridiculous lol.
  • People asked me for months afterwards if I was still working out
  • Speaking publicly about the importance of fitness was a compelling reason for me to continue

Imagine if I quit after 6 months? The social cost of my peers would have been too great. Not to mention my reputation as a pastor.

To recreate this in your own context, consider this:

  • Make it extreme. 5am is extreme. People pay attention to extreme things
  • Make it time limited. The 5am Club was only for one month but it was enough to form the pathways in the brain.
  • Make it public. There’s a reason the public side of a marital commitment is so important. It means something. We are built for community. I use social media frequently to hold myself accountable. I used this technique to produce our first album in 2024.
  • Make it a documentary. You can literally see the videos of us working out on our church Instagram page on top of a bridge overlooking the London skyline. The record is there for anyone to see. Find a way to get into people’s minds. It’ll increase the likelihood of your success.

For Christian creatives looking for a helpful sense of accountability, consider joining The Garden.

3. It’s ok to evolve.

My understanding of fitness and health has grown over the last two years. And with it my goals have changed dramatically. This is not only totally ok but totally normal. For example, mobility has become an essential part of my focus for 2025. I don’t want to just become stronger, I want to move better. I want to bulletproof my body from future injury. I want to be able to play with my grandkids (I’ve got a while before this possibility).

This is where ultimately habit formation is about your goals. These don’t have to be set by anyone else. And these may change from season to season.

Right now I have four young kids and certain pastoral commitments. I have to find a way of life that fits around that. I would love to actually spend more time in the gym but I cap it at 45 minutes per session because that’s all I can fit in before getting up before the school run.

This will change in the future and that’s ok. I’d love to spend more time playing sports too but that will have to wait for another season. Understanding that life is flexible stops us from becoming overly intense or even impatient.

Find what you can do now and what you have space for. Habit formation is about deciding what you truly want. And no one else can really answer that for you. There are no exact ways of doing life. That’s between you and God.

So go form some unbreakable habits. But don’t forget that you’re allowed to break them too if you really want.


The tradition of tithing

Money, money, money. It’s everywhere we look and frequently on our mind. Whether we’re investing in a costly flat white to start the day or saving up to one day to buy a house (sorry fellow millennials), it’s hard to get away from thinking about money.

It’s a huge part of everyday life and perhaps this is why Jesus spoke so much about it. 1 Timothy 6 tells us that to hope in money itself is to live an uncertain life. Money comes and it goes and an unhealthy relationship with it will lead to all sorts of anxiety and fear. Paul is of course echoing Jesus himself in Matthew 6 who tells us not to be anxious about tomorrow (the preceding verses make it clear he is referring to our material and financial needs).

This misplaced hope in money can easily affect both the rich and the poor. Generally speaking, the trap of the rich is to fear losing their riches and the trap of the poor is to desire riches too greatly but we can just as easily succumb to both at the same time.

There’s much we could say about money itself but in this moment I want to focus on a topic that is given much emphasis by the church, the tradition of tithing.

I must warn the reader that this is a controversial and challenging topic. And unfortunately any challenge to the status quo can be seen as an attack on the church, abandoning scripture or even more intensely, an issue around the Lordship of Christ.

But we must see that this is in some sense circular reasoning that seeks to self-protect, much like topics we covered before such as honour culture.

For example, if we are taught that criticism of a leader (whether significant disagreement or simply questioning) is a sign of dishonour and therefore sinful, we then shut down all alternative perspectives, creating a silo of ideas.

Outside of the church, this sort of circular reasoning is similarly applied in all sorts of dangerous ideologies.

So if we truly seek to understand whether an idea is biblical; if there is no room to question it without accusation of sin or exclusion of the offending party then there is little hope of arriving at the truth. This is how cultures become unhealthy echo chambers instead of life-giving communities.

I believe this same way of thinking is frequently applied to the tithe. Anyone who dares to challenge it is seen as theologically unsound or worse, a bad actor. But doesn’t this rather depend on what the Bible actually says about it?

Tradition vs commandment

  • “Tithing is biblical”
  • “The Bible says we should tithe”

Statements such as these imply that tithing is a divine commandment from God and many of us have been taught as such. But as we read on, I seek to persuade you that whilst tithing is generally a good thing, it is merely a tradition.

The line between tradition and commandment was one of the frequent topics of conversation between Jesus and the Pharisees.

You may be familiar with Mark 7 where the Pharisees criticise the disciples of Jesus for not adhering to the correct handwashing ritual. Note that this is not about general cleanliness but an unnecessary addition to the law that has become legalistic.

His response is fairly cutting in verses 6-7:

And he said to them, “Well did Isaiah prophesy of you hypocrites, as it is written,

“‘This people honors me with their lips,
but their heart is far from me;
in vain do they worship me,
teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.’

Now traditions are not necessarily bad. In fact, we will always find gaps in the simplest reading of scripture and need wisdom and understanding to complete truth.

Consider the following modern questions:

  • What age is appropriate to give a child a smartphone?
  • Is vaping ok? What about cigars?
  • How many carbon emissions should one person emit per year?

And so on… The Bible cannot answer these questions directly because no one was aware of such questions until recent history but we naturally understood that there is wisdom we can apply from the teachings of the Bible with the help of the Holy Spirit.

So tradition and extra biblical teaching is often helpful. The problem is when we teach them as commandments instead of acknowledging personal interpretation or opinion.

I would like to submit to you in the rest of the article the following two claims:

  1. Tithing to a local church is not a mandatory commandment for New Testament believers but a rich tradition that points to a deeper life-giving principle.
  2. A change of emphasis from tithing to giving will make local churches healthier in culture and in finance.

These are changes we have implemented personally in how we speak about money in our own local church over the last couple of years and we have seen the fruit of it.

What is the tithe?

The word tithe literally means tenth. At various points prior to the Law being given to Moses (the Old Covenant), we see certain figures bringing a tenth (a tithe) to God. And the Law clearly commands the people of Israel to bring various tithes.

That last point is worthy of mention. Old Testament tithing was never limited to one single ten percent offering. There were actual multiple tithes. This is a fact I have rarely heard shared in church. Below is a breakdown of the different types of tithe explained in the Law.

  1. General tithe. A tenth of all produce and livestock was given to the Levites. This is normally where preaching on the tithe majors.
  2. Festival tithe. A tenth was set aside for annual festivals that God had commanded the people to go to. You could think of this like a sort of enforced church camp saving fund.
  3. Poor tithe. Every three years a tithe was stored for the needy in society.

A breakdown of the various tithes should usher in a question for the curious. If the tithe continues today, why do we only talk about one tithe as opposed to all three? Or perhaps we should approximate and move from 10% to 23.33%?

The answer is of course (unless you’re a three-tithe literalist) that we have moved from divine commandment to human interpretation. And this isn’t a bad thing. We recognise that within this part of the Law, there is an important principle that week to draw into the modern day. This principle is around putting God first.

It’s important that we must acknowledge the role of interpretation here in the way that we teach about this topic.

Tithing before the Law

Let’s take a look before the Law and see what references to tithing we have.

There are two main references to tithing worth exploring:

Abraham brings a tithe to Melchizedek (Genesis 14:18-20). Abraham gives ten percent of the spoils of war to Melchizedek (Hebrews connects this figure to Jesus himself). But note that this is a single event. There is nothing in the scripture that tells us that Abraham tithed on a regular basis. We see other examples of Abraham building altars but anything else is misreading the text.

Jacob pledges a tithe to God (Genesis 28:20-22). Interestingly enough in this scripture, Jacob makes a conditional promise to God that if he protects him, he will give him a tenth of everything in his future.

What’s notable for both of these examples is that there is no instruction from God to give a tenth. These are both voluntary offerings. Abraham’s tithe is a single offering and Jacob’s is a conditional pledge to fulfill in the future.

Giving to God is a good thing. But is giving ten percent to God part of obeying his commandments? Not without a good old stretch.

Perhaps the first signpost to the tithe

One other example worth noting is with Cain and Abel in Genesis 4. Both bring offerings to God but only Abel’s is accepted. The only difference we can see (outside of God having a preference for lamb shanks over carrots) is that Abel brings the first and best of his produce.

Here we see a reference to putting God first. But honestly no clear reference to tithing. As we look throughout the scripture, we continue to see references to God being first.

Matthew 6:33 (ESV):
“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

Proverbs 3:9-10 (ESV):
“Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the firstfruits of all your produce; then your barns will be filled with plenty, and your vats will be bursting with wine.”

There are plenty more that echo this theme but clearly the emphasis is on putting God first. For some reason we interpret this as giving a tenth but we’ve not yet found any scriptural mandate for it.

(Note: if you’re looking to get more Christian insights on money from the perspective of a creative business owner then you should consider checking out The Garden).

What Jesus says about the tithe

Jesus mentions the tithe just twice.

Criticising the Pharisees lack of justice (Matthew 23:23). In this passage, Jesus criticises the Pharisees because of their legalism. He says that they tithe things like mint and dill but neglect the weightier matters.

This is a clear endorsement of tithing (although secondary to the point Jesus makes) but don’t forget that Jesus is speaking to a Jewish audience who are under the Law. There’s no implication for New Testament believers.

The parable of the tax collector (Luke 18:9–14). This is a secondary reference, again associated with legalism, where the prideful Pharisee compares himself to the ‘sinful’ tax collector and thanks God that he’s so faithful in tithing.

Jesus makes no case for tithing as part of the new covenant. He does however remind us that we cannot serve both money and God and where our treasure is, our heart will follow.

Neither statements serve as an endorsement for tithing but do point towards a deeper principle around giving.

Tithing in the rest of the New Testament

Outside of Jesus, the references get even fewer. There is literally one other reference to tithing in the New Testament and that’s simply a reference back to Abraham and Melchizedek. This isn’t an instruction or commandment but context for a wider point the author of Hebrews is making. When you think about how easy it would have been for Paul, Peter or any of the other apostles to mention the importance of tithing, the absence of such instruction is notable. This makes for a total of three references in the entire New Testament.

There is one place we would expect to find the instruction to tithe and that is in Acts 15. There is a huge debate around whether Gentiles turning to God should have to follow the Law (in particular whether circumcision is required). The church in Jerusalem write a letter to Antioch to clarify and note the following instructions:

  • Abstain from food sacrificed to idols
  • Don’t eat blood
  • Don’t eat strangled animals
  • Avoid sexual immorality

Acts 15:28-29

“For it has seemed good to the Holy Spirit and to us to lay on you no greater burden than these requirements: that you abstain from what has been sacrificed to idols, and from blood, and from what has been strangled, and from sexual immorality. If you keep yourselves from these, you will do well. Farewell.”

Again the absence of tithing as part of instruction towards New Testament Gentile believers speaks loudly. If it’s such an important issue of the heart, why doesn’t the scripture mention it? The most obvious reason is because it’s not mandated.

Malachi and the windows of heaven

It would not be a proper study on tithing without referencing the famous words of Malachi 3. Let’s break down what’s happening here as well as some equally famous misinterpretation of scripture.

Malachi 3:10 (ESV):

“Bring the full tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. And thereby put me to the test, says the Lord of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour down for you a blessing until there is no more need.”

Firstly of course, this is an Old Testament context. This is actually a prophetic word to the priests (not just the people). They are being criticised for taking advantage of the temple system and treating God with indifference. If we were to take one message from this whole book into the modern era, it should be that church leaders should be incredibly diligent around handling finances that have been given to God.

Secondly we see an interesting but obvious principle. When the people give to the temple, the priests are able to eat. This means that the whole system functions properly. But the people have stopped giving properly because of the malpractice and misteaching of the priests. Fix the church leadership, and the giving will flow again.

Thirdly the reference to the windows of heaven. The windows of heaven are not some sort of cosmic situation where money falls from the sky into your lap if you give 10% to your local church. The windows of heaven refer to rainclouds. In other words, when the people tithe, God will cause rain to come and bless their crops. This is important because if you don’t plant any crops then the rain is essentially useless to you. We see the value of hard work alongside the wider principle of putting God first. Yes in this context it looks like tithing. But given the rest of our exposition of scripture, it’s clear it doesn’t extrapolate exactly into our new covenant relationship.

Fourthly the reference to robbing God. This is clearly in reference to the people’s disobedience to the Law. If tithing is a universal command that predates the Law and continues into the New Covenant then Abraham was under a curse by only tithing once. And Jacob was under a curse by making his tithe conditional on God’s provision. Not to mention the myriad of others who we have no evidence for their tithing.

To read tithing into the lives of all of the patriarchs (think Enoch, Noah and so on), is to add it into the text. These people didn’t tithe but conversely we often see reference to building altars to God. The specifics matter when you’re building a theological case for what people should do.

Conclusion

Let’s take a little recap from what we’ve learnt so far:

Prior to the law

  • There is no mandate to tithe.
  • There is no evidence for tithing as described in the Law.
  • All tithing & giving is spontaneous & celebrated but never commanded.

The Law

  • Tithing is mandated.
  • There are three different types of tithe.
  • Only applicable to Jews

In the New Covenant

  • Jesus makes no case for tithing.
  • Paul & apostles never mention tithing.
  • The one place we might expect to find tithing mentioned to the Gentiles, it isn’t (Acts 15)

Given the ground we’ve covered scripturally, I don’t believe you can make an honest case for tithing as a commandment in the New Testament. That isn’t to say that everyone teaching the tithe is sinister (although some may be). But I think it’s clear that tithing belongs in the realm of tradition and is not a commandment from God.

Tradition is notoriously hard for us to challenge and requires great courage (learn more about developing confidence in this podcast episode) because we have well respected examples of those who went before us (and who may still be alive) who held fast to particular traditions. To challenge tradition often feels like disrespect or dishonour and so we hold fast to it instead of being faithful to the text.

It’s good to honour our leaders. But not if it stops us from honouring God’s word.

Put God first

Let’s consider this topic from another angle. Is giving 10% of your income to your local church a bad thing? Definitely not but let’s examine why and in doing so we’ll uncover the true principle around giving that threads through the entirety of scripture.

Money is a type of power and all power has the ability to corrupt. Whether it be authority, influence, wealth or education – everything good can be used to do bad. In fact this is probably the truest definition of sin. Sin is always a distortion of something good.

The Bible does celebrate wealth and the enjoyment of life. I shared one of my favourite scriptures earlier in 1 Timothy 6 where we are encouraged to not set our hopes on the uncertainty of riches but on God who richly provides us with everything to enjoy. Getting over the awkwardness of money to acknowledge that it’s a tremendous benefit is important to say.

To put it in layman’s terms, if I asked you if you wanted to be rich or poor, which one would you choose? Many of us would be uncomfortable saying rich but if you said poor, we’d know you were fibbing.

The flip side is that the Bible also warns against setting your hope in money itself. Financial power is a useful tool but is a dangerous master.

Jesus explains it well in Matthew 6:24

24 “No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.

If God is to be number one, we must dethrone money. And the way we do that is by taking our money and making it serve God. The principle we see in the tithe in the Law is the same we see before the Law as Abel gives the first of what he has to God.

In that way tithing taps into a deeper principle of putting God first. We take the first of what we have and give it to God every time we earn money. This keeps money from becoming an idol and keeps our heart healthy.

I believe there is a solid case for this giving to God to go into the local church, just as the temple giving went to the priests. God designs this all to work both spiritually (for our heart) and practically (for our church).

So how much should we be giving? We should be honest and acknowledge that the New Testament simply does not say. I think it’s because we’re moving out of low level legalism into the spirit of generosity. Giving is now about your capacity.

For some of us, we have a huge capacity to give and 10% is more like us throwing some loose change at the feet of a homeless God. True honouring of God will be giving upwards of 30%, 40% etc.

For others the idea of giving 10% feels absolutely impossible. I would encourage you to consider where you can start instead. Is that 5%? Is that 2%? Just start and activate the principle of putting God first.

The New Testament does talk about giving and generosity – it encourages it but it never specifies an amount.

Perhaps we can end by sharing a story of Jesus commenting on someone’s giving.

Mark 12:41–44 (ESV):

“And he sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny. And he called his disciples to him and said to them, ‘Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.'”

I think this taps into the true heart of what God is looking for. Not legalism or tickbox Christianity but a heart that overflows with love and gratitude for all that God has done for us.

10% doesn’t feel quite enough. He’s looking for 100%.

Matthew 22:37–38 (ESV):

“And he said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment.'”

If you found this helpful you might also like the below. I shared some of these insights in a recent podcast episode: Things Your Pastor Never Told You About Tithing.


The year of limitation

Ah that happy new year feeling. 2025 is here and I’m all for it. I may have dropped a few dad jokes to my kids on the morning of the 1st January about how it feels like a year since I last saw them.

A new year represents a new start and with it often comes new words and fresh vision. Across the internet right now, people are posting their goals and plans. I appreciate the enthusiasm and do feel reasonably swept up in it too. It is exciting to dream again and wonder about the endless possibilities that the year can bring.

But… have you noticed that no one ever gets a negative word for the year?

2025, the year of pestilence, loss and heartbreak.

Doesn’t quite have the ring to it.

Sign me up instead for abundance, riches and possibility.

I am not sure I’ve ever been one of those people who has a word for the year. For me, every day feels like a new start and the new year is merely an added layer to that constant process of getting vision for the next season.

So imagine my surprise when a word did drop into my heart (whilst posting some holiday snaps on the old Insta stories).

It was the word LIMITATION.

Not really the sort of word anyone signs up for.

But interestingly enough, I have spent the last few years growing in my understanding of my own limits. Thus I know that limitation is not as frustrating as it sounds.

  • Limitation means boundaries.
  • Limitation means focus.
  • Limitation means obedience.
  • Limitation means trusting God.

I think the biggest mistake we could make with 2025 is to take back control. Often we start with great energy (too much of it) and try to start with overexertion.

If we start the new year strong then we’ll have momentum, we think to ourselves.

But this so-called momentum is often just code for self-sufficiency and striving.

Here are a few ways limitation can serve us.

1. Limitation forces us to be led

That classic Psalm 23 vibe asserts that the Lord is my shepherd and that there is no lack because of it. Oftentimes we are moving too quickly to be led by the Holy Spirit. We assume every opportunity should be taken and every door should be opened.

There is such a thing as too much of a good thing. In fact most sin can be described as some sort of distortion of goodness.

  • Marriage is good but best keep it only to one.
  • Mince pies are good but don’t go wild on the cream (just throwing in some confession here).
  • Alcohol is good but has some obvious downsides in excess.
  • Leadership is good until it moves into control and manipulation.
  • Work is good until we give too much of ourselves to it.
  • Money is good until we trust in it.

The list goes on.

We can be so enamoured with goodness that we assume that it is always God’s will for us to take every opportunity.

To be led is to pay attention to the Holy Spirit. Which doors should we be entering into in 2025? Which doors should we leave closed?

Living this way actually takes us out of striving and into a place of trust. Which in turn creates a tremendous sense of peace and rest internally. But it does require the courage.

I recorded a recent podcast episode all about our need to say no – you can listen to it here.

I don’t want to go beyond the limitations of obedience this year. I want to be led by the Holy Spirit.

2. Limitation prevents injury

Exactly two years ago, I started getting serious about my physical fitness. Since then pretty much every weekday (5x per week) I’ve been working out and developing a better relationship with my body.

There have been so many lessons from the last 24 months and I’m thoroughly enjoying the process. One of these learnings has been around understanding the tricky tension between pushing yourself in the gym and the need for rest.

It turns out this is far more complicated than I realised. When we lift weights beyond what we are used to, we end up tearing our muscle fibres. It’s in the recovery process that the muscles actually grow back (hopefully) a bit bigger.

But there are so many factors to consider here. If you’re not sleeping well then the body won’t be able to fully recover. And if you’re stressed then your sleep is disrupted and you’re not in the correct nervous system state for recovery.

On top of that if you’re not getting the right nutrition (e.g. protein) then your body will struggle to repair.

So if we’re stressed out and not looking after ourselves, we can push as hard as we want in the gym but the results will be minimal. Actually it’s more likely that we’ll go backwards.

It’s taken me a while to figure out how hard to push myself whilst also factoring in everything else happening in my life too.

Many of us as we start the new year are planning all sorts of grand things like starting a business, memorising the entire New Testament in Greek, becoming a calisthenics pro and more. Might I suggest that you slow the heck down. Trying to fit too much in is a sure way to injure yourself.

Whether that’s through burnout down the line, not having space for play and life-giving relationships or simply getting ill more often. If you embrace limitation, ironically you’ll actually become more productive.

I have known (and still know) plenty of high-achieving people who work like crazy. I do feel called to these types of people because honestly by default I’m wired the same way. But to live at this level of intensity, you end up looking to other things to cope. Substances, porn, you name it. Frequently crashing with exhaustion is a badge of honour when achievement is an idol.

Injury isn’t fun. Especially when there’s no one to blame but yourself. There’s another way and called limitation.

Limitation takes courage. It’ll require some difficult conversations with those who have been accustomed and appreciative of your overwork. Sadly this happens in the church perhaps as much as it does in the world. If you’re interested in understanding how honour culture plays a part in encouraging overwork – you should read this.

3. Limitation increases joy

With such easy access to entertainment (who’s enjoying Skeleton Crew??), we are deeply uncomfortable with boredom. It only takes me a few seconds of sitting still to whip open my phone and cycle through my classic apps.

Instagram, BBC news, WhatsApp etc

(Side note: I’ve got some thoughts about what the future of social media will begin to look like if you’re interested. Listen here.)

I’ve also experienced so much joy through learning to be more still. Practising mindfulness, breathwork and becoming aware of my emotions has honestly become so life-giving. I don’t see these things as opposing to prayer and my relationship with Jesus but deepening it. As I journey inwards to dig around my soul, I invite the Holy Spirit in too. I can only share with God what I am aware of. I search my own heart so I can come in humility to him.

Doing less is the recipe to deeper thinking and serendipity. For creatives, that spark of inspiration is worth everything. It nearly always comes when you least expect it in the ordinary moments that you’d otherwise skip.

One of the big social losses of the pandemic was the commute. We stopped having to endure the useless tube adverts and endless escalators. We lost that additional margin of thinking time.

I’ve started to lean into boring tasks. Cleaning the house. Preparing meals. Tidying the desk. Sweeping the floor. Walking to the shop.

Please don’t think I’m pretending to be this super guru who walks through the day in a constant state of zen. But I have started to appreciate life in all of its simplicity and intricacy more and more.

Some of us seek to lose this ordinary aspect of life. We want to be on a beach in Bali or some other exotic location. We want to make our millions so we can sell up and escape the everyday grind.

But perhaps in doing so we will discover what many of us have known all along. Life is designed with limits. God-given limits. You can’t escape them so don’t become miserable trying.

Challenging our metrics for success is an important part of learning to embrace our limits.

The last podcast episode of 2024 was dedicated to this topic – listen here.

Some quick reflection questions for you.

What is God saying yes to in 2025?
What is God saying no to in 2025?
How comfortable and aware of your physical, mental and spiritual limits are you?

And…

What’s driving you? Really?

Here’s to embracing limitation in 2025.


The problem with honour culture

Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.

Romans 12:10

Honour is a beautiful and wonderful thing. We’re encouraged by scripture to follow the example of Jesus who loved and served those around him.

A key facet of Jesus’ teaching around honour was to make sure that our honour was impartial. In other words, we honour people because they are made in the image of God. Not because they have position or power or wealth that could somehow benefit us. This is especially shown by how we treat those who are perceived as least or less.

It’s strange to me that despite the many warnings of Jesus around this type of partiality and preference, it seems to me that a hyper and often uneven honouring culture is not only rife amongst the church today but also encouraged and taught as healthy leadership.

What we honour shows what we value. And what we value is what we will prefer and focus on. As a pastor, I believe that an unhealthy emphasis on the importance of pastors and leaders will actually cause the wider church to be ineffective. We end up devaluing the role of the ordinary Christian and indirectly (and sometimes directly) encouraging people into the role of the leader as the highest possible goal.

Perhaps if we address this imbalance, we might see churches that release more creativity, excel and influence in the work place, build strong families and much much more. I believe that everything we want for the church will actually come about when we fix the focus of our honour to be firstly on Jesus and then on the least of us.

Here are some ways honour culture can show up in an unhealthy way.

1. Discipleship pathways that seek to make everyone a leader in the church.

Being a disciple is about being a disciple of Jesus. Whilst we benefit greatly from good teaching and great examples of church leaders, our ultimate goal is to be formed into the likeness of Christ, not in the likeness of our leaders.

If everyone becomes a church leader then obviously society will not work very well. If the church gets all of our energy then our families and our workplaces will suffer. We need people to show up fully present in their workplace with a vision for what they do. When our very design for discipleship is around activation into church teams and taking responsibility in the life of the church, the end result is often that there is little energy left for the other aspects of a person’s life.

In simple terms, we give everything on Sundays and we don’t show up quite as awesomely on Monday morning or Thursday afternoon. I lived this life for many years and saw the fruit of it in myself and others. This is what happens. People get tired. They neglect non-church areas of their life. Sadly some even burn out too, trying to manage it all. Others feel the pressure and don’t feel able to say they’re struggling and eventually leave without notice.

Strangely enough, this over-focus on the church is actually very insular. We may grow the church numerically (these models work for a reason) but we stunt its power and presence in the world.

It’s well worth considering the metrics we use to ultimately measure success. I recorded a podcast episode about this here.

2. An over celebration of up-front ministry gifts

Being a preacher is something of prestige in today’s culture. It’s celebrated. It’s envied. It’s even coveted. When people come up to you and call you ‘pastor’, it does something to you. It makes you feel special. Personally I have a distaste for it and encourage people to use my first name instead.

This puts an unhealthy desire in many to be on the platform. We’re only human and we are all looking for validation. But it also puts an unhealthy slant on how church leaders see themselves. You begin to believe that you are more important.

And of course pastors are important. But so are single parents. So are baristas. So are sanitation workers. So are accountants.

Often we say one thing but our actions say another. We applaud when we welcome a preacher or some form of visible ministry. We almost never applaud ministry that no one hears about.

Because of course… no one hears about it. But it’s just as important.

  • If we serve preachers better than we serve parents, we’re doing something wrong.
  • If we respect pastors more than we respect baristas, we’re doing something wrong.

The list goes on.

It’s fascinating that the phrase ‘full-time ministry’ immediately offers a picture of a pastor, not a lawyer or a data analyst. Side note: If you’re a Christian creative looking for coaching and support for your business or dream then do check out The Garden. It’s free forever.

Serving is not really about the camera operator or the kids worker on a Sunday (although it can be!) It’s about the person who is gracious to their grumpy colleague. It’s the parent who persuades their kid that school is a valuable use of their time. It’s the friend who is available to help you move house.

All of this overemphasis harms the church because Christians are being conditioned to think that what they do throughout the week is not particularly significant or valuable. But it is. Is there any wonder that the place of the church in society is slipping? Our energy is going into the wrong things.

When we celebrate and honour the things that are being ignored, we’ll help the church become what it needs to be in society.

3. Closed minded structures that are resistant to change

The Pharisees were frequently criticised and challenged by Jesus. They were resistant to change and saw his teaching as unlawful when in actual fact it was getting back to the real essence of the law.

The problem with honour culture is that it continues to perpetuate itself. When pastors see themselves as having divine or ultimate authority, any challenge is seen as an attack on the church, God himself or divisiveness.

No one liked the prophets because they frequently said what the establishment did not like to hear. This was absolutely true in the case of Jesus.

The fruit of honour culture has been well-documented in recent years in the evangelical/pentecostal side of things. We’ve also seen it in the Church of England too with the historic abuse at the hands of John Smyth. Hyper honour leads to unhealthy cultures that are more likely to facilitate and cover up spiritual abuse. Pastors are humans too. Just because we are gifted and called by God does not mean we shouldn’t be held accountable to the power we hold.

I recently recorded a podcast episode on church hurt which I believe might be healing for many who have sadly experienced some level of abuse in the church.

Most pastors I know are good and faithful servants of God. We would never dream of using power to take advantage of people. But we can still be a part of wider cultures that are unhealthy. We can be tempted by examples around us that may teach and encourage us to lean into this sort of honour culture.

I encourage us all to work against it, challenge it and build the exact opposite for 2025. A culture that truly reflects the words of Jesus below in Matthew 20:25-28:

But Jesus called them to him and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”


Grey-haired man standing in front of tool bookshelf.

Why no one sees your IG content

We’ve all been there. We’re inspired to get back on the content train so we jump on Instagram and fire out 11 reels, 5 carousels and 83 stories over 7 days and guess what happens?

Yeah pretty much nothing.

I’m seeing so many Threads right now where creatives are complaining and frustrated about their posts not reaching their audience. So here’s some thoughts about how we can create content that gets seen.

The first thing we need to do is actually choose our goal. Ask yourself, WHY are you creating content?

If it’s just for likes and giggles then by all means jump onto whatever silly trend is making its way round on TikTok right now. But more likely, you have a specific business goal.

It probably looks something like this:

  • Find more clients
  • Sell your services/products
  • Grow your influence
  • Create positive connections

Once we have our goal in mind, we can now be strategic about how we approach.

Don’t see content as just one piece at a time. Because one piece of content won’t do much on its own. It’s about building an overall strategy that moves you towards your goal.

This helps us not get discouraged with the results from just one post and also have some metrics for understanding what success actually looks like.

Before I keep going, you might want to grab a freebie I created recently that outlines my entire sales process that I share with paying clients. I talk about content about also plenty of other important things in growing your business. Head to digitalrabbi.co/sales to get it now.

Who are you trying to reach?

This is the age old question and conversation that we all seem to struggle with so much. People were telling me to “niche” for ages and I resisted until I heard it explained in this way.

We need to move from being order takers to trusted experts. So let’s say you do graphic design and you’re producing some promo for a client. What so often happens is that the client starts to ask for certain changes and because we’re nice and they’re the client, we just start to do what they tell us to do.

And of course the client isn’t a designer. That’s why they hired you. And so it looks rubbish and the client isn’t happy. And we’re frustrated because we think it looks rubbish too.

That’s the problem with being an order taker. A trusted expert is able to lead the whole process and the client which creates better results and a much better work experience. It actually starts really early in the sales process with how we position ourselves.

We need to position ourselves as an expert.

How can we do that? We need to stop talking about lots of things.

Now I’m someone who has a lot of different skills. I’ve been fortunate to grow a wide range of abilities over the years.

I do copy.
I design.
I make websites.
I teach.
I speak.
I make music.

The list goes on. The problem isn’t that I can do all of those things. The problem is that if I mention all of those things, it’s human nature to assume that I must be blagging a bit.

Whereas when you meet someone else and the only thing they do is create websites, you immediately move towards expert status.

Here are some other ways we can move towards being perceived as an expert, not an order taker.

We can provide a specific service for a specific person.

So now we don’t just do websites. We make websites for crunchy mums (apparently that’s a thing now lol – it’s just mums who are super into organic/natural/homeschooling etc).

Or websites for personal trainers.

If I were in your target audience, then you immediately have so much more credibility than just a generic web designer or a generic creative.

So let’s pull it back to creating content on Instagram.

If we can create content as specific as above, then we’ll begin to attract our ideal audience.

Think about the thousands of reels we watch and swipe because they’re boring.

It’s tough to cut through and the easiest way to do it is to be hyper relevant.

Instagram is now incorporating SEO (Search Engine Optimisation) which actually means that specificity is even more powerful.

So press pause on your content game and ask these important questions:

  1. Who is the one person you are trying to reach? Write it down, get specific and target every piece of content towards them.
  2. What is the one thing you want to be known for?
  3. What sort of things should you post to become known for that one thing?
  4. What are some ways you can demonstrate your authority in those areas?
  5. How do people who are close to you see you? What qualities would they highlight that others online might not be aware of?

I hope you’ve found this helpful. This is by far the most significant change you can make with your content so don’t skip it.

Don’t forget to download the free sales guide which has my entire sales process I teach to paying clients in a neat little 14-page PDF. Head to digitalrabbi.co/sales to download for free.


16 hour days are for idiots

The story of most entrepreneurs starts with a frustration of the 9-5. Or in London (where I live) the 8-6. Add in a commute and you have a few quick moments to grab some questionable food, scroll past a few memes and get ready for the grind to repeat the next day.

Until one day you wake up and wonder to yourself. What the heck am I doing spending all this time working for someone else when I could slave away from day to night on my own projects.

Well no, perhaps that’s not the thought that crosses our mind.

We imagine this carefree life where we lie in, take an extended lunch and finish early whilst our business accumulates wildly passive income. All whilst you swan around in Bali.

Now neither of these two extremes are healthy.

We all know that passive income isn’t passive. Despite what the content creator influencer types are telling us – they’re spending tons of time very actively creating passive income.

And whilst sunning ourselves endlessly with the occasional mocktail sounds delightful, in actual fact it’s very boring.

Why do you think the super rich make such terrible life decisions? They’re bored of course.

An escape to paradise can be fun for a few weeks. But after a while you’ll crave the normality of home-cooked meals, church community (yes even the weird sort of friends you accumulate along the way) and the ordinary daily rhythms.

Whilst so many are trapped in the endless demands of the corporate life, just as many make the jump to start their own business only to find that their new boss is even worse.

Yes that’s you of course. Instead of enjoying and embracing the flexibility, left to our own devices we tend to overwork and never stop really.

Which leads me to my conclusion.

16 hour days are really for idiots.

(Bless you if you’re working 16 hour days – I’m not really calling you an idiot. But I am making a point that it’s not super clever. And not being super clever can sometimes be described as being slightly idiotic. Ok I take it back, I just might be calling you an eejit).

Who wants to work all day? Life is so much more than work. And by the way, I absolutely LOVE my work.

My favourite moments of this year have been:

  • Playing chess with my 9 year old daughter
  • Going on a mini skiing trip with my wife and friends
  • Playing ridiculous games (remember spoons?) until late at my friend’s house

Can you see the thread?

All of the best moments in life involve other PEOPLE.

Money can enable us to create great experiences and level up our quality of life.

But true freedom is the ability to be present with the people we care about.

This is where the paths of the corporate robot and the adventurous entrepreneur often converge. Neither of them know how to switch off.

And both are trapped by work instead of released by it.

But what if you could build a business that makes legit money AND figure out how to unlearn your toxic work/life behaviours.

Wouldn’t that be worth fighting for? What about investing in?

That’s exactly the life I’m living right now. I work hard. But I enjoy this beautiful thing called freedom.

Would you like to live that sort of life? That’s exactly what my coaching services are about. Find out if you’d be a good fit for coaching by clicking here.


Man in cap on a skateboard

Your business life is your personal life

Hot take coming up. Can we really call someone successful if their personal life is in shambles?

This post is genuinely not about judging anyone. Life is complex and we can experience all sorts of hardship and pain when we least expect it.

So let’s start with me.

I haven’t burned out personally but I’ve been on the trajectory towards it. I’ve made many mistakes where I’ve let others down and myself. There are seasons of life where I look back and regret or even cringe.

We’re all human and imperfect. But I see a worrying trend online and in today’s culture that I do want to talk about.

I’ve noticed that many of the people I admire and follow online for their business wisdom or creative insights often reveal that the rest of their life isn’t doing so great.

If it’s not said openly, it’s kind of obvious when you read behind the lines.

Of course worst case scenario, it’s revealed in a big way through some sort of public failure.

I still think we can learn from people who are imperfect. And I always look for kernels of truth from those who are further ahead than me in an area.

But I wonder if it’s time we stop glamorising and idolising people who have only succeeded in ONE particular aspect of life?

  • Business is one aspect of life
  • Relationships are another aspect of life
  • Spirituality is another
  • Fitness and nutrition
  • Parenting, marriage etc

We make a fatal area when we assume that one area of success represents all areas of a person’s life.

We consult <insert celebrity here> for their input on <insert topic of the day> even if it’s nowhere near their expertise.

  • Musicians know music
  • Artists know art
  • Business people know business

Here’s the problem for me.

I don’t want to succeed in business but fail in my marriage.
I don’t want a ton of influence on Instagram but lose connection with my kids.
I don’t want to get flown out to speak at conferences whilst my own soul is depleted.

I don’t want success in one area. I want it in all areas. I want health. I want balance.

I want to have influence and wield power but I also want to protect myself from the darkness of it all.

I definitely don’t want to sacrifice one area on the altar for success in another.

Not everyone who is succeeding is doing it in a healthy way.

I’m at different places across the different areas of life that I’m growing in. For example, I’m well versed in communication. And I’m relatively new to fitness.

The important thing is that we’re aware of our need to succeed as a complete human being.

We may fail because of course we are imperfect. (And if you’ve already failed then there is grace for you too).

But let’s get honest about what we want and what we should value.

It’s holistic health and success.

We don’t want to partially win. We want to truly win.

Here are some practical ways we can succeed across all areas, not just some.

1. Build slowly

Ah yes, the S word. Why would we want to get things slowly when we can get them quickly? Because in most (not all) scenarios, success that comes quickly often ruins us.

  • The lottery winner doesn’t have the fiscal capacity to manage his newfound wealth.
  • The young superstar musician hasn’t yet developed the character to resist being treated like a god.

Pride comes quickly to us when we succeed too quickly. Wealth can ruin us. Having wealth is good as long as your relationship with it is healthy.

Be mindful of your capacity to handle things and cautiously build the future. Yes, there are moments for accelerated growth and you’ll know when to maximise them. But don’t covet overnight success. It’s not what it’s cracked up to be. Just ask famous people who can’t go out for a coffee without being mobbed.

2. Work on your inner life more than your external life

The externals are where the fun is. Money. Influence. Impact etc.

But the internals are what sustains the fun.

  • There’s no point having more high paying clients if you can’t respond to emails on time.
  • There’s no point having money if you have persistent back pain (cos you never move from your desk).
  • There’s no point being known if you can’t sleep at night because of the incessant stress.

Build the back end of your life and the front end will flourish.

Build your character and your gifting will thrive.

Build the systems inside your business and you’ll make more money.

Whenever we try to do more than who we are, we compromise in an area. It may be slow or gradual but it is inevitable.

3. Face your weaknesses

The reason we fail in an area is because we don’t focus on it. And we don’t focus on it because it’s not our sweet spot.

When I started my first business teaching music, I noticed that students would frequently skip over the most difficult part of the piece.

That meant that they practised the easiest bits over and over. And rarely touched the difficulty ones

And of course they got better at the former and never improved at the latter.

But when you hear someone play a song, which bit do you notice more? The bit that sounds good or that awkward mistake?

If we can make the decision to face our weakness, we will always find ourselves growing. And the good news is that these basic growth areas will actually have a disproportionate impact on everything you do..

The impact of moving daily if you never exercise is huge. Much greater than the regular fitness guy who starts wants to go to the next level. Newbie gains are a thing and it translates into all areas of life.

So what are you genuinely weak in? Face it head on. Get help by delegating to others in your business. Or paying someone to help you in your personal life. Get mentored. Get stronger.

That’s all I’ve got for you. Thanks for reading this article. I want to encourage you to be an outlier to the rest of the world. Let your story be different. Dare to succeed in all areas.


Main kneels in the sun against a wall and paints it white. A ladder leans to the side.

Why you keep working for free (and how to stop)

It’s 2024 and it’s time for you to stop doing free work.

Now of course not all free work is bad. But let’s be honest about why most of us actually do it.

We do free work because we don’t feel like we deserve to get paid for it. Perhaps we’re trying to buy good favour and future opportunities.

Or perhaps we’re simply not sure how to ask for money.

At the root of it all is a mindset about how we see the value of what we do.

Let’s talk about this limiting mindset

Nearly always, we do free work because we actually enjoy doing it and we want to help people with our skills.

For example:

  • We take photos because we love capturing moments.
  • We design a brand because we enjoy the process of visually representing an idea.
  • We produce a song for a friend because we love music

Break the lie

But here’s what’s going on beneath the surface. We are often actively believing the lie that if something is easy or enjoyable for us to do, then it is not really true work.

Therefore we shouldn’t get paid.

Can you see how this is so deceptive?

Work is supposed to be delightful

This stems from all sorts of programming in our childhood and even in our churches.

We’re told that following Jesus is about hardship and to get anywhere in life you have to work hard.

We associate work with pain instead of with delight. Thus we give away our best work instead of charging for it.

There is of course some degree of truth in these ideas. There is always an element of every type of work that is less interesting or requires us to persevere.

But taken to an extreme, we can falsely believe that if we are good at doing something then we shouldn’t be charging for it.

No it’s actually the opposite.

The will of God makes you feel alive

God made you with gifts and talents. In fact who you are is a perfect match for what you’re called to do. It would be strange (and definitely cruel) for God to design you any other way.

The reason you are good at it is because you are gifted for it.

And that’s exactly why you should charge for it.

When you work for free, eventually you run out of availability or resentment will build.

Neither of those scenarios is good for the people you seek to serve.

Here are some action steps for you:

1. For chronic overcommitters

Write down a list of your current responsibilities including unpaid work. Now get honest with yourself and ask which are actually outside of your capacity to do.

2. For those afraid of conflict

There will be some areas that you can immediately let go of. Pick up the phone and apologise for having miscommunicated your availability. Be honest. People understand.

3. When you’re in too deep

You may have to finish a project if you’ve dug yourself a hole. But don’t make the same mistake again.

4. If you’d like to get paid

Simply explain that you don’t have the capacity to continue this work for free. Remember when you say yes to one thing, you also say no to something else. If the work you do is truly valued by the client/friend then they’ll find a way to pay.

Some final thoughts

You can still choose to do free work just to help someone or be a blessing (I do this). But just make sure you’re not doing it from a place of fear or scarcity.

Your work is valuable so place value on it. It will save you much disappointment and pain in the future.