How to form unbreakable habits
I’ve always been the sort of person deeply interested in starting new things. In fact, starting new things seems to be fairly typical for all the creative types I hang out with at The Garden. Unfortunately the flip side of this gift is generally not finishing the things we start.
However in recent years I began to make some serious headway in understanding how to make habits stick. On 5th January 2023, I started (again) my headway into the world of fitness, choosing to workout every work day (5x per week). Fast forward two whole years and I’m still going strong. No pun intended.
This wasn’t the first time I had tried to get serious about fitness. I had always been interested in sport and enjoyed physical activity but I had never succeeded in creating any lasting change. So what changed exactly?
First let’s talk about some theology. It’s fair to say that the primary goal of the disciple of Jesus is to be formed into his image. We might call this formation, where our very nature becomes like him.
There is a circular relationship between what we do and who we are. God is love and God is also loving. When I become a patient person, I become patient with people. When I am patient with people, I become a more patient person. Here we see the real importance of habits as it pertains to character or nature. Habits are what we do repeatedly. They become who we are.
So now I am no longer just a person who goes to the gym. I am an active person. It’s who I am. I go to the gym because strong people go to the gym. And I am strong because I go to the gym. Solidifying habits is not just a nice goal for those interested in self-help, it’s a crucial part to the life of the Christian.
If you’re unable to properly form new habits then you’ll be trapped in the old habits of the flesh (the shadow side of who you are).
If you’re wondering where you can find pictures of super ripped Sats to verify all of this then slow down because I’d be the first to admit that fitness progress has felt glacially slow. But one thing I am convinced of is that a change of identity has taken place alongside my change of behaviour. Ultimately the results will speak for themselves not in two years but in the next ten or twenty years.
So how do we create unbreakable habits? And perhaps more importantly, why do we keep dropping the ball on the things we really want?
The life you live today is often a reflection of the decisions you made yesterday.
This is a statement which is generally true but not always true. Life has all sorts of nonsense that will arrive regardless of what you do. We didn’t sign up for everything so please don’t think I am throwing blame your way. We don’t want to live under shame or heaviness – that’s not helpful for anyone.
But it’s also unavoidably true that you are a huge factor in your experience of life. And that the fruit of our lives tells us interesting things about the seeds we have sown. We are all too quick to blame others instead of taking responsibility for ourselves.
The redemptive power of curiosity
I’ve found approaching this conversation with curiosity is really helpful. Curiosity dispels shame but also gives us the benefit of reflection and wisdom.
- If you’re physically out of shape, get curious about why that is the case
- If your spiritual life is empty, get curious about how that happened
- If you’re constantly exhausted and on the edge of burnout, get curious about what’s going on
- If you can never meet the right person because there’s no good men/women out there, get curious about why that is your experience
Note how this is so different from shaming people (or ourselves) for why they aren’t where they should be.
If we don’t take time to really understand what’s going on, how are we going to be able to change the way we approach these areas in the future?
A person on the edge of burnout might quite naturally respond with defensiveness by pointing to the long list of responsibilities or immoveable commitments they cannot escape from. Curiosity would instead lead to honest conversations about the importance of boundaries and saying no.
Curiosity asks questions which is something we see God do a lot throughout scripture both in the Old and New Testament. Much of the first interactions between God and humans involve curiosity and questions.
- Where are you?
- Who told you that you were naked?
- Where is your brother?
God is not asking questions because he doesn’t know the answers. He’s asking because he’s trying to help us reflect and do some important digging into what’s going on beneath the surface.
Before the pandemic, I had tried multiple times to implement some sort of fitness programme but it had never lasted. Looking back I can see that it never could have. The environment of my life was all wrong.
- I was working for a church fulfilling multiple full-time job roles which left me no time.
- I was paid poorly for some roles and not at all for others which meant I was using all spare time to try and make additional income.
- I had zero margin in my life and was already sacrificing sleep and family life to keep up with all of the above.
I was well-intentioned in this season but totally unaware of why things were not working. I truly believed that fitness was important. But there was a mismatch between my beliefs and my actions. I needed to get curious about why that was. Eventually I realised that there was simply not enough space in my life for not just health but a whole host of other things like hobbies, rest and fun too.
(This new-found curiosity emerged from a very curious set of circumstances, notably that particular church having a spectacularly public meltdown. I’m deliberately fast-forwarding a very long albeit interesting story which goes beyond the scope of this article. I cover some of the issues in an article about honour culture).
If you’re not open to becoming curious about why you’re not where you want to be then you’re not ready to change. And it’s very unlikely that you’ll create lasting habits.
For the rest of us however, here are some learnings from my journey on forming unbreakable habits.
1. Start small but sure.
The greatest challenge with forming habits is not about the task itself but developing the right pathways in the brain. Once the pathways are formed in the brain, then you can start to build upon the habit to become more intense (or more flexible) as you desire.
Here are some simple rules I set for myself back in January 2023.
- I was going to workout every single week day (Monday – Friday)
- I was going to do something even if it was very small
- I was not going to skip a day for sickness unless I was literally on death’s door
I found creating a higher frequency (5x/week) made it easier to form the habit because my brain was forming this connection with my wake up routine. I would get up at 4:45am, head to meet my friend and then we’d workout. Yes that’s right – we were working out at 5am lol.
It was freezing cold. It was pitch black. Conditions were not cool.
But the extremeness of it made it stick in the brain. The hardest part of it was not the workout but just having the willpower to get up. Once I was up, the rest actually felt comparatively much easier.
To make the whole process easier, I set out all of my workout gear ready (including things like water & keys) so that all I had to do was get dressed and leave the house (without waking up my kids – a considerable task with creaky London houses).
My goal was to keep my streak going as long as possible and in 2023 I missed very few days due to sickness or holiday. In 2024 however, I decided to relax a little bit and whilst I still workout 5x/week, if it’s been a super busy week or a late night then I don’t kill myself for the sake of it. That’s because the habit is already strong.
Go intense but realistic in your initial creation of a habit. It’s better to be super consistent at something easy than inconsistent with something hard. You can then dial it back to be more realistic in the future. We moved from doing bodyweight exercises at 5am outside in the pitch black to hitting the gym at 6am after the first month. But 5am seared it into my brain.
2. Create an environment for success
We’ve already talked about how important it is to have space for new habits to form. If your life is too full then you won’t be able to fit anything else in.
There is a very real cost to forming a new habit. Your time and your energy is finite and you’ll have to reduce your commitments elsewhere. It took me a while to realise this as an endless optimist. It’s not a lack of faith to be realistic. God has set limits on human beings and there is blessing when we acknowledge them. (Read more about my thoughts on limitation in 2025 here)
But creating space is not the only way we can create a successful environment for habit formation. We can also use accountability to create friction in failure or positive peer pressure to aid momentum. For example, when I started my 5am workout routine, I also launched a preaching series called the 5am Club. It was all about health, stewardship of the body, fitness etc.
We encouraged the whole church to join us at 5am, 5x per week from 5th January. To encourage others, we literally livestreamed on Instagram our workouts for a whole month. Now not everyone will have the luxury of such a public sense of accountability but here’s what happened:
- Very few people actually committed to the 5am Club but everybody knew about it. Because it was ridiculous lol.
- People asked me for months afterwards if I was still working out
- Speaking publicly about the importance of fitness was a compelling reason for me to continue
Imagine if I quit after 6 months? The social cost of my peers would have been too great. Not to mention my reputation as a pastor.
To recreate this in your own context, consider this:
- Make it extreme. 5am is extreme. People pay attention to extreme things
- Make it time limited. The 5am Club was only for one month but it was enough to form the pathways in the brain.
- Make it public. There’s a reason the public side of a marital commitment is so important. It means something. We are built for community. I use social media frequently to hold myself accountable. I used this technique to produce our first album in 2024.
- Make it a documentary. You can literally see the videos of us working out on our church Instagram page on top of a bridge overlooking the London skyline. The record is there for anyone to see. Find a way to get into people’s minds. It’ll increase the likelihood of your success.
For Christian creatives looking for a helpful sense of accountability, consider joining The Garden.
3. It’s ok to evolve.
My understanding of fitness and health has grown over the last two years. And with it my goals have changed dramatically. This is not only totally ok but totally normal. For example, mobility has become an essential part of my focus for 2025. I don’t want to just become stronger, I want to move better. I want to bulletproof my body from future injury. I want to be able to play with my grandkids (I’ve got a while before this possibility).
This is where ultimately habit formation is about your goals. These don’t have to be set by anyone else. And these may change from season to season.
Right now I have four young kids and certain pastoral commitments. I have to find a way of life that fits around that. I would love to actually spend more time in the gym but I cap it at 45 minutes per session because that’s all I can fit in before getting up before the school run.
This will change in the future and that’s ok. I’d love to spend more time playing sports too but that will have to wait for another season. Understanding that life is flexible stops us from becoming overly intense or even impatient.
Find what you can do now and what you have space for. Habit formation is about deciding what you truly want. And no one else can really answer that for you. There are no exact ways of doing life. That’s between you and God.
So go form some unbreakable habits. But don’t forget that you’re allowed to break them too if you really want.
The tradition of tithing
Money, money, money. It’s everywhere we look and frequently on our mind. Whether we’re investing in a costly flat white to start the day or saving up to one day to buy a house (sorry fellow millennials), it’s hard to get away from thinking about money.
It’s a huge part of everyday life and perhaps this is why Jesus spoke so much about it. 1 Timothy 6 tells us that to hope in money itself is to live an uncertain life. Money comes and it goes and an unhealthy relationship with it will lead to all sorts of anxiety and fear. Paul is of course echoing Jesus himself in Matthew 6 who tells us not to be anxious about tomorrow (the preceding verses make it clear he is referring to our material and financial needs).
This misplaced hope in money can easily affect both the rich and the poor. Generally speaking, the trap of the rich is to fear losing their riches and the trap of the poor is to desire riches too greatly but we can just as easily succumb to both at the same time.
There’s much we could say about money itself but in this moment I want to focus on a topic that is given much emphasis by the church, the tradition of tithing.
I must warn the reader that this is a controversial and challenging topic. And unfortunately any challenge to the status quo can be seen as an attack on the church, abandoning scripture or even more intensely, an issue around the Lordship of Christ.
But we must see that this is in some sense circular reasoning that seeks to self-protect, much like topics we covered before such as honour culture.
For example, if we are taught that criticism of a leader (whether significant disagreement or simply questioning) is a sign of dishonour and therefore sinful, we then shut down all alternative perspectives, creating a silo of ideas.
Outside of the church, this sort of circular reasoning is similarly applied in all sorts of dangerous ideologies.
So if we truly seek to understand whether an idea is biblical; if there is no room to question it without accusation of sin or exclusion of the offending party then there is little hope of arriving at the truth. This is how cultures become unhealthy echo chambers instead of life-giving communities.
I believe this same way of thinking is frequently applied to the tithe. Anyone who dares to challenge it is seen as theologically unsound or worse, a bad actor. But doesn’t this rather depend on what the Bible actually says about it?
Tradition vs commandment
- “Tithing is biblical”
- “The Bible says we should tithe”
Statements such as these imply that tithing is a divine commandment from God and many of us have been taught as such. But as we read on, I seek to persuade you that whilst tithing is generally a good thing, it is merely a tradition.
The line between tradition and commandment was one of the frequent topics of conversation between Jesus and the Pharisees.
You may be familiar with Mark 7 where the Pharisees criticise the disciples of Jesus for not adhering to the correct handwashing ritual. Note that this is not about general cleanliness but an unnecessary addition to the law that has become legalistic.
His response is fairly cutting in verses 6-7:
And he said to them, “Well did Isaiah prophesy of you hypocrites, as it is written,
“‘This people honors me with their lips,
but their heart is far from me;
in vain do they worship me,
teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.’
Now traditions are not necessarily bad. In fact, we will always find gaps in the simplest reading of scripture and need wisdom and understanding to complete truth.
Consider the following modern questions:
- What age is appropriate to give a child a smartphone?
- Is vaping ok? What about cigars?
- How many carbon emissions should one person emit per year?
And so on… The Bible cannot answer these questions directly because no one was aware of such questions until recent history but we naturally understood that there is wisdom we can apply from the teachings of the Bible with the help of the Holy Spirit.
So tradition and extra biblical teaching is often helpful. The problem is when we teach them as commandments instead of acknowledging personal interpretation or opinion.
I would like to submit to you in the rest of the article the following two claims:
- Tithing to a local church is not a mandatory commandment for New Testament believers but a rich tradition that points to a deeper life-giving principle.
- A change of emphasis from tithing to giving will make local churches healthier in culture and in finance.
These are changes we have implemented personally in how we speak about money in our own local church over the last couple of years and we have seen the fruit of it.
What is the tithe?
The word tithe literally means tenth. At various points prior to the Law being given to Moses (the Old Covenant), we see certain figures bringing a tenth (a tithe) to God. And the Law clearly commands the people of Israel to bring various tithes.
That last point is worthy of mention. Old Testament tithing was never limited to one single ten percent offering. There were actual multiple tithes. This is a fact I have rarely heard shared in church. Below is a breakdown of the different types of tithe explained in the Law.
- General tithe. A tenth of all produce and livestock was given to the Levites. This is normally where preaching on the tithe majors.
- Festival tithe. A tenth was set aside for annual festivals that God had commanded the people to go to. You could think of this like a sort of enforced church camp saving fund.
- Poor tithe. Every three years a tithe was stored for the needy in society.
A breakdown of the various tithes should usher in a question for the curious. If the tithe continues today, why do we only talk about one tithe as opposed to all three? Or perhaps we should approximate and move from 10% to 23.33%?
The answer is of course (unless you’re a three-tithe literalist) that we have moved from divine commandment to human interpretation. And this isn’t a bad thing. We recognise that within this part of the Law, there is an important principle that week to draw into the modern day. This principle is around putting God first.
It’s important that we must acknowledge the role of interpretation here in the way that we teach about this topic.
Tithing before the Law
Let’s take a look before the Law and see what references to tithing we have.
There are two main references to tithing worth exploring:
Abraham brings a tithe to Melchizedek (Genesis 14:18-20). Abraham gives ten percent of the spoils of war to Melchizedek (Hebrews connects this figure to Jesus himself). But note that this is a single event. There is nothing in the scripture that tells us that Abraham tithed on a regular basis. We see other examples of Abraham building altars but anything else is misreading the text.
Jacob pledges a tithe to God (Genesis 28:20-22). Interestingly enough in this scripture, Jacob makes a conditional promise to God that if he protects him, he will give him a tenth of everything in his future.
What’s notable for both of these examples is that there is no instruction from God to give a tenth. These are both voluntary offerings. Abraham’s tithe is a single offering and Jacob’s is a conditional pledge to fulfill in the future.
Giving to God is a good thing. But is giving ten percent to God part of obeying his commandments? Not without a good old stretch.
Perhaps the first signpost to the tithe
One other example worth noting is with Cain and Abel in Genesis 4. Both bring offerings to God but only Abel’s is accepted. The only difference we can see (outside of God having a preference for lamb shanks over carrots) is that Abel brings the first and best of his produce.
Here we see a reference to putting God first. But honestly no clear reference to tithing. As we look throughout the scripture, we continue to see references to God being first.
Matthew 6:33 (ESV):
“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
Proverbs 3:9-10 (ESV):
“Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the firstfruits of all your produce; then your barns will be filled with plenty, and your vats will be bursting with wine.”
There are plenty more that echo this theme but clearly the emphasis is on putting God first. For some reason we interpret this as giving a tenth but we’ve not yet found any scriptural mandate for it.
(Note: if you’re looking to get more Christian insights on money from the perspective of a creative business owner then you should consider checking out The Garden).
What Jesus says about the tithe
Jesus mentions the tithe just twice.
Criticising the Pharisees lack of justice (Matthew 23:23). In this passage, Jesus criticises the Pharisees because of their legalism. He says that they tithe things like mint and dill but neglect the weightier matters.
This is a clear endorsement of tithing (although secondary to the point Jesus makes) but don’t forget that Jesus is speaking to a Jewish audience who are under the Law. There’s no implication for New Testament believers.
The parable of the tax collector (Luke 18:9–14). This is a secondary reference, again associated with legalism, where the prideful Pharisee compares himself to the ‘sinful’ tax collector and thanks God that he’s so faithful in tithing.
Jesus makes no case for tithing as part of the new covenant. He does however remind us that we cannot serve both money and God and where our treasure is, our heart will follow.
Neither statements serve as an endorsement for tithing but do point towards a deeper principle around giving.
Tithing in the rest of the New Testament
Outside of Jesus, the references get even fewer. There is literally one other reference to tithing in the New Testament and that’s simply a reference back to Abraham and Melchizedek. This isn’t an instruction or commandment but context for a wider point the author of Hebrews is making. When you think about how easy it would have been for Paul, Peter or any of the other apostles to mention the importance of tithing, the absence of such instruction is notable. This makes for a total of three references in the entire New Testament.
There is one place we would expect to find the instruction to tithe and that is in Acts 15. There is a huge debate around whether Gentiles turning to God should have to follow the Law (in particular whether circumcision is required). The church in Jerusalem write a letter to Antioch to clarify and note the following instructions:
- Abstain from food sacrificed to idols
- Don’t eat blood
- Don’t eat strangled animals
- Avoid sexual immorality
Acts 15:28-29
“For it has seemed good to the Holy Spirit and to us to lay on you no greater burden than these requirements: that you abstain from what has been sacrificed to idols, and from blood, and from what has been strangled, and from sexual immorality. If you keep yourselves from these, you will do well. Farewell.”
Again the absence of tithing as part of instruction towards New Testament Gentile believers speaks loudly. If it’s such an important issue of the heart, why doesn’t the scripture mention it? The most obvious reason is because it’s not mandated.
Malachi and the windows of heaven
It would not be a proper study on tithing without referencing the famous words of Malachi 3. Let’s break down what’s happening here as well as some equally famous misinterpretation of scripture.
Malachi 3:10 (ESV):
“Bring the full tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. And thereby put me to the test, says the Lord of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour down for you a blessing until there is no more need.”
Firstly of course, this is an Old Testament context. This is actually a prophetic word to the priests (not just the people). They are being criticised for taking advantage of the temple system and treating God with indifference. If we were to take one message from this whole book into the modern era, it should be that church leaders should be incredibly diligent around handling finances that have been given to God.
Secondly we see an interesting but obvious principle. When the people give to the temple, the priests are able to eat. This means that the whole system functions properly. But the people have stopped giving properly because of the malpractice and misteaching of the priests. Fix the church leadership, and the giving will flow again.
Thirdly the reference to the windows of heaven. The windows of heaven are not some sort of cosmic situation where money falls from the sky into your lap if you give 10% to your local church. The windows of heaven refer to rainclouds. In other words, when the people tithe, God will cause rain to come and bless their crops. This is important because if you don’t plant any crops then the rain is essentially useless to you. We see the value of hard work alongside the wider principle of putting God first. Yes in this context it looks like tithing. But given the rest of our exposition of scripture, it’s clear it doesn’t extrapolate exactly into our new covenant relationship.
Fourthly the reference to robbing God. This is clearly in reference to the people’s disobedience to the Law. If tithing is a universal command that predates the Law and continues into the New Covenant then Abraham was under a curse by only tithing once. And Jacob was under a curse by making his tithe conditional on God’s provision. Not to mention the myriad of others who we have no evidence for their tithing.
To read tithing into the lives of all of the patriarchs (think Enoch, Noah and so on), is to add it into the text. These people didn’t tithe but conversely we often see reference to building altars to God. The specifics matter when you’re building a theological case for what people should do.
Conclusion
Let’s take a little recap from what we’ve learnt so far:
Prior to the law
- There is no mandate to tithe.
- There is no evidence for tithing as described in the Law.
- All tithing & giving is spontaneous & celebrated but never commanded.
The Law
- Tithing is mandated.
- There are three different types of tithe.
- Only applicable to Jews
In the New Covenant
- Jesus makes no case for tithing.
- Paul & apostles never mention tithing.
- The one place we might expect to find tithing mentioned to the Gentiles, it isn’t (Acts 15)
Given the ground we’ve covered scripturally, I don’t believe you can make an honest case for tithing as a commandment in the New Testament. That isn’t to say that everyone teaching the tithe is sinister (although some may be). But I think it’s clear that tithing belongs in the realm of tradition and is not a commandment from God.
Tradition is notoriously hard for us to challenge and requires great courage (learn more about developing confidence in this podcast episode) because we have well respected examples of those who went before us (and who may still be alive) who held fast to particular traditions. To challenge tradition often feels like disrespect or dishonour and so we hold fast to it instead of being faithful to the text.
It’s good to honour our leaders. But not if it stops us from honouring God’s word.
Put God first
Let’s consider this topic from another angle. Is giving 10% of your income to your local church a bad thing? Definitely not but let’s examine why and in doing so we’ll uncover the true principle around giving that threads through the entirety of scripture.
Money is a type of power and all power has the ability to corrupt. Whether it be authority, influence, wealth or education – everything good can be used to do bad. In fact this is probably the truest definition of sin. Sin is always a distortion of something good.
The Bible does celebrate wealth and the enjoyment of life. I shared one of my favourite scriptures earlier in 1 Timothy 6 where we are encouraged to not set our hopes on the uncertainty of riches but on God who richly provides us with everything to enjoy. Getting over the awkwardness of money to acknowledge that it’s a tremendous benefit is important to say.
To put it in layman’s terms, if I asked you if you wanted to be rich or poor, which one would you choose? Many of us would be uncomfortable saying rich but if you said poor, we’d know you were fibbing.
The flip side is that the Bible also warns against setting your hope in money itself. Financial power is a useful tool but is a dangerous master.
Jesus explains it well in Matthew 6:24
24 “No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.
If God is to be number one, we must dethrone money. And the way we do that is by taking our money and making it serve God. The principle we see in the tithe in the Law is the same we see before the Law as Abel gives the first of what he has to God.
In that way tithing taps into a deeper principle of putting God first. We take the first of what we have and give it to God every time we earn money. This keeps money from becoming an idol and keeps our heart healthy.
I believe there is a solid case for this giving to God to go into the local church, just as the temple giving went to the priests. God designs this all to work both spiritually (for our heart) and practically (for our church).
So how much should we be giving? We should be honest and acknowledge that the New Testament simply does not say. I think it’s because we’re moving out of low level legalism into the spirit of generosity. Giving is now about your capacity.
For some of us, we have a huge capacity to give and 10% is more like us throwing some loose change at the feet of a homeless God. True honouring of God will be giving upwards of 30%, 40% etc.
For others the idea of giving 10% feels absolutely impossible. I would encourage you to consider where you can start instead. Is that 5%? Is that 2%? Just start and activate the principle of putting God first.
The New Testament does talk about giving and generosity – it encourages it but it never specifies an amount.
Perhaps we can end by sharing a story of Jesus commenting on someone’s giving.
Mark 12:41–44 (ESV):
“And he sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny. And he called his disciples to him and said to them, ‘Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.'”
I think this taps into the true heart of what God is looking for. Not legalism or tickbox Christianity but a heart that overflows with love and gratitude for all that God has done for us.
10% doesn’t feel quite enough. He’s looking for 100%.
Matthew 22:37–38 (ESV):
“And he said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment.'”
If you found this helpful you might also like the below. I shared some of these insights in a recent podcast episode: Things Your Pastor Never Told You About Tithing.
The year of limitation
Ah that happy new year feeling. 2025 is here and I’m all for it. I may have dropped a few dad jokes to my kids on the morning of the 1st January about how it feels like a year since I last saw them.
A new year represents a new start and with it often comes new words and fresh vision. Across the internet right now, people are posting their goals and plans. I appreciate the enthusiasm and do feel reasonably swept up in it too. It is exciting to dream again and wonder about the endless possibilities that the year can bring.
But… have you noticed that no one ever gets a negative word for the year?
2025, the year of pestilence, loss and heartbreak.
Doesn’t quite have the ring to it.
Sign me up instead for abundance, riches and possibility.
I am not sure I’ve ever been one of those people who has a word for the year. For me, every day feels like a new start and the new year is merely an added layer to that constant process of getting vision for the next season.
So imagine my surprise when a word did drop into my heart (whilst posting some holiday snaps on the old Insta stories).
It was the word LIMITATION.
Not really the sort of word anyone signs up for.
But interestingly enough, I have spent the last few years growing in my understanding of my own limits. Thus I know that limitation is not as frustrating as it sounds.
- Limitation means boundaries.
- Limitation means focus.
- Limitation means obedience.
- Limitation means trusting God.
I think the biggest mistake we could make with 2025 is to take back control. Often we start with great energy (too much of it) and try to start with overexertion.
If we start the new year strong then we’ll have momentum, we think to ourselves.
But this so-called momentum is often just code for self-sufficiency and striving.
Here are a few ways limitation can serve us.
1. Limitation forces us to be led
That classic Psalm 23 vibe asserts that the Lord is my shepherd and that there is no lack because of it. Oftentimes we are moving too quickly to be led by the Holy Spirit. We assume every opportunity should be taken and every door should be opened.
There is such a thing as too much of a good thing. In fact most sin can be described as some sort of distortion of goodness.
- Marriage is good but best keep it only to one.
- Mince pies are good but don’t go wild on the cream (just throwing in some confession here).
- Alcohol is good but has some obvious downsides in excess.
- Leadership is good until it moves into control and manipulation.
- Work is good until we give too much of ourselves to it.
- Money is good until we trust in it.
The list goes on.
We can be so enamoured with goodness that we assume that it is always God’s will for us to take every opportunity.
To be led is to pay attention to the Holy Spirit. Which doors should we be entering into in 2025? Which doors should we leave closed?
Living this way actually takes us out of striving and into a place of trust. Which in turn creates a tremendous sense of peace and rest internally. But it does require the courage.
I recorded a recent podcast episode all about our need to say no – you can listen to it here.
I don’t want to go beyond the limitations of obedience this year. I want to be led by the Holy Spirit.
2. Limitation prevents injury
Exactly two years ago, I started getting serious about my physical fitness. Since then pretty much every weekday (5x per week) I’ve been working out and developing a better relationship with my body.
There have been so many lessons from the last 24 months and I’m thoroughly enjoying the process. One of these learnings has been around understanding the tricky tension between pushing yourself in the gym and the need for rest.
It turns out this is far more complicated than I realised. When we lift weights beyond what we are used to, we end up tearing our muscle fibres. It’s in the recovery process that the muscles actually grow back (hopefully) a bit bigger.
But there are so many factors to consider here. If you’re not sleeping well then the body won’t be able to fully recover. And if you’re stressed then your sleep is disrupted and you’re not in the correct nervous system state for recovery.
On top of that if you’re not getting the right nutrition (e.g. protein) then your body will struggle to repair.
So if we’re stressed out and not looking after ourselves, we can push as hard as we want in the gym but the results will be minimal. Actually it’s more likely that we’ll go backwards.
It’s taken me a while to figure out how hard to push myself whilst also factoring in everything else happening in my life too.
Many of us as we start the new year are planning all sorts of grand things like starting a business, memorising the entire New Testament in Greek, becoming a calisthenics pro and more. Might I suggest that you slow the heck down. Trying to fit too much in is a sure way to injure yourself.
Whether that’s through burnout down the line, not having space for play and life-giving relationships or simply getting ill more often. If you embrace limitation, ironically you’ll actually become more productive.
I have known (and still know) plenty of high-achieving people who work like crazy. I do feel called to these types of people because honestly by default I’m wired the same way. But to live at this level of intensity, you end up looking to other things to cope. Substances, porn, you name it. Frequently crashing with exhaustion is a badge of honour when achievement is an idol.
Injury isn’t fun. Especially when there’s no one to blame but yourself. There’s another way and called limitation.
Limitation takes courage. It’ll require some difficult conversations with those who have been accustomed and appreciative of your overwork. Sadly this happens in the church perhaps as much as it does in the world. If you’re interested in understanding how honour culture plays a part in encouraging overwork – you should read this.
3. Limitation increases joy
With such easy access to entertainment (who’s enjoying Skeleton Crew??), we are deeply uncomfortable with boredom. It only takes me a few seconds of sitting still to whip open my phone and cycle through my classic apps.
Instagram, BBC news, WhatsApp etc
(Side note: I’ve got some thoughts about what the future of social media will begin to look like if you’re interested. Listen here.)
I’ve also experienced so much joy through learning to be more still. Practising mindfulness, breathwork and becoming aware of my emotions has honestly become so life-giving. I don’t see these things as opposing to prayer and my relationship with Jesus but deepening it. As I journey inwards to dig around my soul, I invite the Holy Spirit in too. I can only share with God what I am aware of. I search my own heart so I can come in humility to him.
Doing less is the recipe to deeper thinking and serendipity. For creatives, that spark of inspiration is worth everything. It nearly always comes when you least expect it in the ordinary moments that you’d otherwise skip.
One of the big social losses of the pandemic was the commute. We stopped having to endure the useless tube adverts and endless escalators. We lost that additional margin of thinking time.
I’ve started to lean into boring tasks. Cleaning the house. Preparing meals. Tidying the desk. Sweeping the floor. Walking to the shop.
Please don’t think I’m pretending to be this super guru who walks through the day in a constant state of zen. But I have started to appreciate life in all of its simplicity and intricacy more and more.
Some of us seek to lose this ordinary aspect of life. We want to be on a beach in Bali or some other exotic location. We want to make our millions so we can sell up and escape the everyday grind.
But perhaps in doing so we will discover what many of us have known all along. Life is designed with limits. God-given limits. You can’t escape them so don’t become miserable trying.
Challenging our metrics for success is an important part of learning to embrace our limits.
The last podcast episode of 2024 was dedicated to this topic – listen here.
Some quick reflection questions for you.
What is God saying yes to in 2025?
What is God saying no to in 2025?
How comfortable and aware of your physical, mental and spiritual limits are you?
And…
What’s driving you? Really?
Here’s to embracing limitation in 2025.
The problem with honour culture
Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.
Romans 12:10
Honour is a beautiful and wonderful thing. We’re encouraged by scripture to follow the example of Jesus who loved and served those around him.
A key facet of Jesus’ teaching around honour was to make sure that our honour was impartial. In other words, we honour people because they are made in the image of God. Not because they have position or power or wealth that could somehow benefit us. This is especially shown by how we treat those who are perceived as least or less.
It’s strange to me that despite the many warnings of Jesus around this type of partiality and preference, it seems to me that a hyper and often uneven honouring culture is not only rife amongst the church today but also encouraged and taught as healthy leadership.
What we honour shows what we value. And what we value is what we will prefer and focus on. As a pastor, I believe that an unhealthy emphasis on the importance of pastors and leaders will actually cause the wider church to be ineffective. We end up devaluing the role of the ordinary Christian and indirectly (and sometimes directly) encouraging people into the role of the leader as the highest possible goal.
Perhaps if we address this imbalance, we might see churches that release more creativity, excel and influence in the work place, build strong families and much much more. I believe that everything we want for the church will actually come about when we fix the focus of our honour to be firstly on Jesus and then on the least of us.
Here are some ways honour culture can show up in an unhealthy way.
1. Discipleship pathways that seek to make everyone a leader in the church.
Being a disciple is about being a disciple of Jesus. Whilst we benefit greatly from good teaching and great examples of church leaders, our ultimate goal is to be formed into the likeness of Christ, not in the likeness of our leaders.
If everyone becomes a church leader then obviously society will not work very well. If the church gets all of our energy then our families and our workplaces will suffer. We need people to show up fully present in their workplace with a vision for what they do. When our very design for discipleship is around activation into church teams and taking responsibility in the life of the church, the end result is often that there is little energy left for the other aspects of a person’s life.
In simple terms, we give everything on Sundays and we don’t show up quite as awesomely on Monday morning or Thursday afternoon. I lived this life for many years and saw the fruit of it in myself and others. This is what happens. People get tired. They neglect non-church areas of their life. Sadly some even burn out too, trying to manage it all. Others feel the pressure and don’t feel able to say they’re struggling and eventually leave without notice.
Strangely enough, this over-focus on the church is actually very insular. We may grow the church numerically (these models work for a reason) but we stunt its power and presence in the world.
It’s well worth considering the metrics we use to ultimately measure success. I recorded a podcast episode about this here.
2. An over celebration of up-front ministry gifts
Being a preacher is something of prestige in today’s culture. It’s celebrated. It’s envied. It’s even coveted. When people come up to you and call you ‘pastor’, it does something to you. It makes you feel special. Personally I have a distaste for it and encourage people to use my first name instead.
This puts an unhealthy desire in many to be on the platform. We’re only human and we are all looking for validation. But it also puts an unhealthy slant on how church leaders see themselves. You begin to believe that you are more important.
And of course pastors are important. But so are single parents. So are baristas. So are sanitation workers. So are accountants.
Often we say one thing but our actions say another. We applaud when we welcome a preacher or some form of visible ministry. We almost never applaud ministry that no one hears about.
Because of course… no one hears about it. But it’s just as important.
- If we serve preachers better than we serve parents, we’re doing something wrong.
- If we respect pastors more than we respect baristas, we’re doing something wrong.
The list goes on.
It’s fascinating that the phrase ‘full-time ministry’ immediately offers a picture of a pastor, not a lawyer or a data analyst. Side note: If you’re a Christian creative looking for coaching and support for your business or dream then do check out The Garden. It’s free forever.
Serving is not really about the camera operator or the kids worker on a Sunday (although it can be!) It’s about the person who is gracious to their grumpy colleague. It’s the parent who persuades their kid that school is a valuable use of their time. It’s the friend who is available to help you move house.
All of this overemphasis harms the church because Christians are being conditioned to think that what they do throughout the week is not particularly significant or valuable. But it is. Is there any wonder that the place of the church in society is slipping? Our energy is going into the wrong things.
When we celebrate and honour the things that are being ignored, we’ll help the church become what it needs to be in society.
3. Closed minded structures that are resistant to change
The Pharisees were frequently criticised and challenged by Jesus. They were resistant to change and saw his teaching as unlawful when in actual fact it was getting back to the real essence of the law.
The problem with honour culture is that it continues to perpetuate itself. When pastors see themselves as having divine or ultimate authority, any challenge is seen as an attack on the church, God himself or divisiveness.
No one liked the prophets because they frequently said what the establishment did not like to hear. This was absolutely true in the case of Jesus.
The fruit of honour culture has been well-documented in recent years in the evangelical/pentecostal side of things. We’ve also seen it in the Church of England too with the historic abuse at the hands of John Smyth. Hyper honour leads to unhealthy cultures that are more likely to facilitate and cover up spiritual abuse. Pastors are humans too. Just because we are gifted and called by God does not mean we shouldn’t be held accountable to the power we hold.
I recently recorded a podcast episode on church hurt which I believe might be healing for many who have sadly experienced some level of abuse in the church.
Most pastors I know are good and faithful servants of God. We would never dream of using power to take advantage of people. But we can still be a part of wider cultures that are unhealthy. We can be tempted by examples around us that may teach and encourage us to lean into this sort of honour culture.
I encourage us all to work against it, challenge it and build the exact opposite for 2025. A culture that truly reflects the words of Jesus below in Matthew 20:25-28:
But Jesus called them to him and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
Why no one sees your IG content
We’ve all been there. We’re inspired to get back on the content train so we jump on Instagram and fire out 11 reels, 5 carousels and 83 stories over 7 days and guess what happens?
Yeah pretty much nothing.
I’m seeing so many Threads right now where creatives are complaining and frustrated about their posts not reaching their audience. So here’s some thoughts about how we can create content that gets seen.
The first thing we need to do is actually choose our goal. Ask yourself, WHY are you creating content?
If it’s just for likes and giggles then by all means jump onto whatever silly trend is making its way round on TikTok right now. But more likely, you have a specific business goal.
It probably looks something like this:
- Find more clients
- Sell your services/products
- Grow your influence
- Create positive connections
Once we have our goal in mind, we can now be strategic about how we approach.
Don’t see content as just one piece at a time. Because one piece of content won’t do much on its own. It’s about building an overall strategy that moves you towards your goal.
This helps us not get discouraged with the results from just one post and also have some metrics for understanding what success actually looks like.
Before I keep going, you might want to grab a freebie I created recently that outlines my entire sales process that I share with paying clients. I talk about content about also plenty of other important things in growing your business. Head to digitalrabbi.co/sales to get it now.
Who are you trying to reach?
This is the age old question and conversation that we all seem to struggle with so much. People were telling me to “niche” for ages and I resisted until I heard it explained in this way.
We need to move from being order takers to trusted experts. So let’s say you do graphic design and you’re producing some promo for a client. What so often happens is that the client starts to ask for certain changes and because we’re nice and they’re the client, we just start to do what they tell us to do.
And of course the client isn’t a designer. That’s why they hired you. And so it looks rubbish and the client isn’t happy. And we’re frustrated because we think it looks rubbish too.
That’s the problem with being an order taker. A trusted expert is able to lead the whole process and the client which creates better results and a much better work experience. It actually starts really early in the sales process with how we position ourselves.
We need to position ourselves as an expert.
How can we do that? We need to stop talking about lots of things.
Now I’m someone who has a lot of different skills. I’ve been fortunate to grow a wide range of abilities over the years.
I do copy.
I design.
I make websites.
I teach.
I speak.
I make music.
The list goes on. The problem isn’t that I can do all of those things. The problem is that if I mention all of those things, it’s human nature to assume that I must be blagging a bit.
Whereas when you meet someone else and the only thing they do is create websites, you immediately move towards expert status.
Here are some other ways we can move towards being perceived as an expert, not an order taker.
We can provide a specific service for a specific person.
So now we don’t just do websites. We make websites for crunchy mums (apparently that’s a thing now lol – it’s just mums who are super into organic/natural/homeschooling etc).
Or websites for personal trainers.
If I were in your target audience, then you immediately have so much more credibility than just a generic web designer or a generic creative.
So let’s pull it back to creating content on Instagram.
If we can create content as specific as above, then we’ll begin to attract our ideal audience.
Think about the thousands of reels we watch and swipe because they’re boring.
It’s tough to cut through and the easiest way to do it is to be hyper relevant.
Instagram is now incorporating SEO (Search Engine Optimisation) which actually means that specificity is even more powerful.
So press pause on your content game and ask these important questions:
- Who is the one person you are trying to reach? Write it down, get specific and target every piece of content towards them.
- What is the one thing you want to be known for?
- What sort of things should you post to become known for that one thing?
- What are some ways you can demonstrate your authority in those areas?
- How do people who are close to you see you? What qualities would they highlight that others online might not be aware of?
I hope you’ve found this helpful. This is by far the most significant change you can make with your content so don’t skip it.
Don’t forget to download the free sales guide which has my entire sales process I teach to paying clients in a neat little 14-page PDF. Head to digitalrabbi.co/sales to download for free.
16 hour days are for idiots
The story of most entrepreneurs starts with a frustration of the 9-5. Or in London (where I live) the 8-6. Add in a commute and you have a few quick moments to grab some questionable food, scroll past a few memes and get ready for the grind to repeat the next day.
Until one day you wake up and wonder to yourself. What the heck am I doing spending all this time working for someone else when I could slave away from day to night on my own projects.
Well no, perhaps that’s not the thought that crosses our mind.
We imagine this carefree life where we lie in, take an extended lunch and finish early whilst our business accumulates wildly passive income. All whilst you swan around in Bali.
Now neither of these two extremes are healthy.
We all know that passive income isn’t passive. Despite what the content creator influencer types are telling us – they’re spending tons of time very actively creating passive income.
And whilst sunning ourselves endlessly with the occasional mocktail sounds delightful, in actual fact it’s very boring.
Why do you think the super rich make such terrible life decisions? They’re bored of course.
An escape to paradise can be fun for a few weeks. But after a while you’ll crave the normality of home-cooked meals, church community (yes even the weird sort of friends you accumulate along the way) and the ordinary daily rhythms.
Whilst so many are trapped in the endless demands of the corporate life, just as many make the jump to start their own business only to find that their new boss is even worse.
Yes that’s you of course. Instead of enjoying and embracing the flexibility, left to our own devices we tend to overwork and never stop really.
Which leads me to my conclusion.
16 hour days are really for idiots.
(Bless you if you’re working 16 hour days – I’m not really calling you an idiot. But I am making a point that it’s not super clever. And not being super clever can sometimes be described as being slightly idiotic. Ok I take it back, I just might be calling you an eejit).
Who wants to work all day? Life is so much more than work. And by the way, I absolutely LOVE my work.
My favourite moments of this year have been:
- Playing chess with my 9 year old daughter
- Going on a mini skiing trip with my wife and friends
- Playing ridiculous games (remember spoons?) until late at my friend’s house
Can you see the thread?
All of the best moments in life involve other PEOPLE.
Money can enable us to create great experiences and level up our quality of life.
But true freedom is the ability to be present with the people we care about.
This is where the paths of the corporate robot and the adventurous entrepreneur often converge. Neither of them know how to switch off.
And both are trapped by work instead of released by it.
But what if you could build a business that makes legit money AND figure out how to unlearn your toxic work/life behaviours.
Wouldn’t that be worth fighting for? What about investing in?
That’s exactly the life I’m living right now. I work hard. But I enjoy this beautiful thing called freedom.
Would you like to live that sort of life? That’s exactly what my coaching services are about. Find out if you’d be a good fit for coaching by clicking here.
Your business life is your personal life
Hot take coming up. Can we really call someone successful if their personal life is in shambles?
This post is genuinely not about judging anyone. Life is complex and we can experience all sorts of hardship and pain when we least expect it.
So let’s start with me.
I haven’t burned out personally but I’ve been on the trajectory towards it. I’ve made many mistakes where I’ve let others down and myself. There are seasons of life where I look back and regret or even cringe.
We’re all human and imperfect. But I see a worrying trend online and in today’s culture that I do want to talk about.
I’ve noticed that many of the people I admire and follow online for their business wisdom or creative insights often reveal that the rest of their life isn’t doing so great.
If it’s not said openly, it’s kind of obvious when you read behind the lines.
Of course worst case scenario, it’s revealed in a big way through some sort of public failure.
I still think we can learn from people who are imperfect. And I always look for kernels of truth from those who are further ahead than me in an area.
But I wonder if it’s time we stop glamorising and idolising people who have only succeeded in ONE particular aspect of life?
- Business is one aspect of life
- Relationships are another aspect of life
- Spirituality is another
- Fitness and nutrition
- Parenting, marriage etc
We make a fatal area when we assume that one area of success represents all areas of a person’s life.
We consult <insert celebrity here> for their input on <insert topic of the day> even if it’s nowhere near their expertise.
- Musicians know music
- Artists know art
- Business people know business
Here’s the problem for me.
I don’t want to succeed in business but fail in my marriage.
I don’t want a ton of influence on Instagram but lose connection with my kids.
I don’t want to get flown out to speak at conferences whilst my own soul is depleted.
I don’t want success in one area. I want it in all areas. I want health. I want balance.
I want to have influence and wield power but I also want to protect myself from the darkness of it all.
I definitely don’t want to sacrifice one area on the altar for success in another.
Not everyone who is succeeding is doing it in a healthy way.
I’m at different places across the different areas of life that I’m growing in. For example, I’m well versed in communication. And I’m relatively new to fitness.
The important thing is that we’re aware of our need to succeed as a complete human being.
We may fail because of course we are imperfect. (And if you’ve already failed then there is grace for you too).
But let’s get honest about what we want and what we should value.
It’s holistic health and success.
We don’t want to partially win. We want to truly win.
Here are some practical ways we can succeed across all areas, not just some.
1. Build slowly
Ah yes, the S word. Why would we want to get things slowly when we can get them quickly? Because in most (not all) scenarios, success that comes quickly often ruins us.
- The lottery winner doesn’t have the fiscal capacity to manage his newfound wealth.
- The young superstar musician hasn’t yet developed the character to resist being treated like a god.
Pride comes quickly to us when we succeed too quickly. Wealth can ruin us. Having wealth is good as long as your relationship with it is healthy.
Be mindful of your capacity to handle things and cautiously build the future. Yes, there are moments for accelerated growth and you’ll know when to maximise them. But don’t covet overnight success. It’s not what it’s cracked up to be. Just ask famous people who can’t go out for a coffee without being mobbed.
2. Work on your inner life more than your external life
The externals are where the fun is. Money. Influence. Impact etc.
But the internals are what sustains the fun.
- There’s no point having more high paying clients if you can’t respond to emails on time.
- There’s no point having money if you have persistent back pain (cos you never move from your desk).
- There’s no point being known if you can’t sleep at night because of the incessant stress.
Build the back end of your life and the front end will flourish.
Build your character and your gifting will thrive.
Build the systems inside your business and you’ll make more money.
Whenever we try to do more than who we are, we compromise in an area. It may be slow or gradual but it is inevitable.
3. Face your weaknesses
The reason we fail in an area is because we don’t focus on it. And we don’t focus on it because it’s not our sweet spot.
When I started my first business teaching music, I noticed that students would frequently skip over the most difficult part of the piece.
That meant that they practised the easiest bits over and over. And rarely touched the difficulty ones
And of course they got better at the former and never improved at the latter.
But when you hear someone play a song, which bit do you notice more? The bit that sounds good or that awkward mistake?
If we can make the decision to face our weakness, we will always find ourselves growing. And the good news is that these basic growth areas will actually have a disproportionate impact on everything you do..
The impact of moving daily if you never exercise is huge. Much greater than the regular fitness guy who starts wants to go to the next level. Newbie gains are a thing and it translates into all areas of life.
So what are you genuinely weak in? Face it head on. Get help by delegating to others in your business. Or paying someone to help you in your personal life. Get mentored. Get stronger.
That’s all I’ve got for you. Thanks for reading this article. I want to encourage you to be an outlier to the rest of the world. Let your story be different. Dare to succeed in all areas.
Why you keep working for free (and how to stop)
It’s 2024 and it’s time for you to stop doing free work.
Now of course not all free work is bad. But let’s be honest about why most of us actually do it.
We do free work because we don’t feel like we deserve to get paid for it. Perhaps we’re trying to buy good favour and future opportunities.
Or perhaps we’re simply not sure how to ask for money.
At the root of it all is a mindset about how we see the value of what we do.
Let’s talk about this limiting mindset
Nearly always, we do free work because we actually enjoy doing it and we want to help people with our skills.
For example:
- We take photos because we love capturing moments.
- We design a brand because we enjoy the process of visually representing an idea.
- We produce a song for a friend because we love music
Break the lie
But here’s what’s going on beneath the surface. We are often actively believing the lie that if something is easy or enjoyable for us to do, then it is not really true work.
Therefore we shouldn’t get paid.
Can you see how this is so deceptive?
Work is supposed to be delightful
This stems from all sorts of programming in our childhood and even in our churches.
We’re told that following Jesus is about hardship and to get anywhere in life you have to work hard.
We associate work with pain instead of with delight. Thus we give away our best work instead of charging for it.
There is of course some degree of truth in these ideas. There is always an element of every type of work that is less interesting or requires us to persevere.
But taken to an extreme, we can falsely believe that if we are good at doing something then we shouldn’t be charging for it.
No it’s actually the opposite.
The will of God makes you feel alive
God made you with gifts and talents. In fact who you are is a perfect match for what you’re called to do. It would be strange (and definitely cruel) for God to design you any other way.
The reason you are good at it is because you are gifted for it.
And that’s exactly why you should charge for it.
When you work for free, eventually you run out of availability or resentment will build.
Neither of those scenarios is good for the people you seek to serve.
Here are some action steps for you:
1. For chronic overcommitters
Write down a list of your current responsibilities including unpaid work. Now get honest with yourself and ask which are actually outside of your capacity to do.
2. For those afraid of conflict
There will be some areas that you can immediately let go of. Pick up the phone and apologise for having miscommunicated your availability. Be honest. People understand.
3. When you’re in too deep
You may have to finish a project if you’ve dug yourself a hole. But don’t make the same mistake again.
4. If you’d like to get paid
Simply explain that you don’t have the capacity to continue this work for free. Remember when you say yes to one thing, you also say no to something else. If the work you do is truly valued by the client/friend then they’ll find a way to pay.
Some final thoughts
You can still choose to do free work just to help someone or be a blessing (I do this). But just make sure you’re not doing it from a place of fear or scarcity.
Your work is valuable so place value on it. It will save you much disappointment and pain in the future.
How to create discipline
As I write this, I am celebrating a personal best when it comes to fitness. At the start of 2023, I set myself a goal to workout every single day.
If fitness is not your jam, don’t worry because this post isn’t really about fitness at all. It’s about how to create discipline.
I set a few caveats to make this achievable:
Weekdays only. Five days across Monday – Friday seems like plenty.
Holidays don’t count. I knew I wouldn’t necessarily have access to a gym or be on a schedule that would let me keep my habit going.
Intensity didn’t matter. I knew there would be some days that I didn’t really want to work out but if I could just get myself to the gym then I’d end up doing something which was better than nothing.
And today I hit a 150 day streak.
I’m not finished either.
What’s wild is that when I went on holiday for two weeks recently, I was actually genuinely quite sad not to be able to go to the gym and workout.
Please be assured that this is not a sentiment I have ever felt before.
Change your focus
Many of us have goals in all sorts of areas of our lives. In fitness, we might focus on muscle mass, weight loss, flexibility, strength etc. In business it’s nearly always profitability. In church we tend to gravitate to numbers such as Sunday attendance or small groups.
But I’ve learnt over the last 150 days that whilst such goals are not inherently bad, they’re nearly always very unhelpful to focus on.
I know that because my number one goal each day has simply been to keep the streak going. And without a lot of willpower, I have somehow quasi-miraculously turned into someone who goes to the gym.
It’s important to note that I would still class myself as a novice in this area. I’m learning plenty about all of the nuances around different exercises, rest, nutrition, intensity etc. But I would be lying if I said I haven’t felt the benefits.
💪Increased strength
💊No more back pain
☀️Greater confidence
🔋More energy
Doing a few perfectly executed workouts will always lead to lesser results than 150 days of consistency. In fact my real goal is much less about days and much more about years and decades. That’s where the real results and benefits are.
Why you fail
Whenever you start to focus on the wrong thing, we naturally lean into intensity and what we do becomes unsustainable. Here are some examples.
Money. When we only think about profit we start to see our customers as a means to an end. Ironically they will sense it too and it drives down business and hurts your brand.
Growth. When the goal of the church is to get people into a room, this quickly leads to a cheapening of ministry and watering down of the thing that makes the church so powerful.
Do we want our businesses to make more money? Do we want our churches to be full of people? Well yes of course. But these are the wrong things to focus on.
Try this simple 3-part framework instead.
1. Choose your direction
Yes we do need a vision and we will need to check in on it from time to time but NOT every day. Take time to reflect and envision the future and then forget about it. I’ll explain why in the next point.
2. Plot your route
Now that you have clarity about where you want to go, break down the steps of how to get there. The truth is that it’s easier to dream about the future than it is to do the work. That’s why so many of us are great at starting things but rarely follow through.
3. Make failure unacceptable
Now that you know where you want to be and how to get there, you want to make sure that you don’t give up. This is near-impossible on your own. You need someone to hold you accountable to the plan that you’ve made so that you’ll actually see it through. Because it’s the work in the day to day that gives you the results you desire.
We can also think of these three parts as vision, strategy & accountability.
I use this simple framework with my coaching clients and it works. If you think about every great project or creative idea you attempted that didn’t pan out, then you’ll be able to see why in contrast with the framework above.
So now it’s time for some questions.
How many dreams have fallen by the roadside because you simply did not follow through with the process?
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Why the church deserves our criticism
I have made a significant shift in the way I think and talk over the last few years about the church. But to frame this conversation, I must first give you a little background into me as a human being.
I am possibly one of the most optimistic people you will meet. I count it as one of my favourite characteristics. I have a certain ability to smile at the drama and difficulty of life and see the best in every situation.
There’s a certain ignorance that often comes with optimism (think about the captain of the Titanic for example) but largely speaking it’s a great quality.
Of course the reader may be tempted to assume that my optimism is a product of a sheltered or easy life. I must stress that this is not the case. Whilst there were many wonderful things about my childhood, I also grew up in an environment of violence and abuse. I emerged into my teenage years with a lot of emotional baggage.
I suspect my propensity for optimism comes from having had to work hard to develop it. Perhaps it was a necessary tool to deal with the difficulties of my childhood.
I find it interesting that society has a way of disregarding those who succeed in some way.
We assume the person with wealth inherited it.
We assume the person with a great physique has better genetics.
We assign time and chance to those who make it big
And perhaps we’re right some of the time. But almost certainly wrong some of the time as well.
The reason we jump so quickly to those assumptions is because it’s less painful to believe.
When we’re unhappy with where we are in life, we assume everyone else must have cheated in some way to get there.
Their success shines a light upon our failure. So whilst we love the idea of others succeeding, it’s not so simple when it actually happens.
I’m not telling you all these things in order to rabbit on about my wondrous qualities. I am simply attempting to paint a backdrop for the much more serious point I am about to make.
You see when it comes to dealing with criticism, it’s all too easy to paint people who raise such issues as overly negative, insufferable complainers. We smile politely but we don’t take it seriously.
And undoubtedly some of them are. And course not all criticism is fair, good or constructive.
But like me, just as undoubtedly some of them are NOT.
It’s easy to put all complaints in the same category of unreasonable because then we don’t have to really address them.
And many church leaders have made that mistake in recent years.
But consider this…
Criticism can certainly originate from a bad spirited person who hates the thing he critiques.
But criticism can also originate from a good spirited person who loves the thing he critiques.
The outcome can look similar and be distasteful to us (because who in their right mind likes complaints?). But the heart behind can be completely different.
I critique the church because I love the church.
Because the church is the bride of Christ.
The church is being perfected and made holy by him, eventually without spot or blemish in any way.
For if there is one thing worse than constantly criticising the church, it is never criticising it at all.
The parent that never corrects their child is not more loving but unloving.
The boss that never gives feedback is not kind but unkind.
The therapist that never challenges but always affirms the delusions of the patient is the worst sort of monstrosity.
Our lack of criticism actually leads to something much worse.
When church leaders themselves do not hold the church to proper account or criticise it fairly, we often inadvertently leave judgement up to the world.
And the world’s justice tends to be very heavy handed.
When we cover over extramarital affairs, bullying, emotional abuse and every other sort of evil because ‘they did a lot of good stuff too’ are we not falling into great error?
Just as God would hand over the people of Israel (in their sin) over to the neighbouring nations to be oppressed so God will let his church be torn apart in the media when we also sin.
Genuine persecution is a thing and I am not implying that getting smashed by the media is necessarily a sign of guilt.
But so much of what we call persecution is not really persecution. It’s the exact opposite – it’s actually judgement.
Consider this:
Did Paul only write nice things in his letters to the churches?
Remember how Jesus cleaned out the temple from extortion?
What about the massive amounts of doom and gloom of the prophets?
It seems obvious to me that to truly love, you must be willing to criticise.
And we need church leaders (such as myself) to move out of boundless optimism.
To become spiritually mature is to be able to feel and understand the full depths of positive AND negative emotion.
Not all anger is hate.
And not all angry people are haters.
In fact love and hate have an unusual relationship.
To love God is to hate sin.
To love the church is to hate its failings.
To love the church is to hold it to account.
To love the church is to dream of better.
To love the church is to build it up.